CROSSFIRE - 02 A SOLITARY MAN
by desktop dragon
Summary: Gideon talks to Dr Travis about his troubled childhood from when his father died, through to meeting Eva and the key moments in their relationship, his love for her and his fears that he will lose her. (WARNING: due to its content of suicide and sexual abuse this will be a very dark story in places). I DO NOT OWN THE CROSSFIRE SERIES BOOKS OR CHARACTERS.
1. Chapter 1

**A SOLITARY MAN**

PROLOGUE

"Good Evening Gideon, how are you keeping?" Dr Travis shakes me warmly by the hand.

I take my usual seat in his comfortable office, I look around, my money bought this office, when he wanted to relocate to New York to be near his daughter and her family I decided it would be worth while investing a chunk of capital to assist him. Eva and Cary trust him and think the sun shines out his ass, and from what I have seen so far he knows his stuff. I run my finger along the sofa, a comfortable leather affair in rich burgundy.

"I'm good actually, surprisingly good considering I spilled my guts to the world in London, I had no idea I was going to do that, I had no intention of saying anything but Eva has opened herself up to scrutiny and detailed parts of her life which she would sooner had never happened, she did it for us, for our relationship and I felt I owed her to show her how much I loved her to stand beside her and do my bit, plus it felt right, it felt it was time".

Dr Travis nods and taps on his tablet. "How did you feel afterwards?" he asks

"Like a weight had been lifted from my shoulders, a release, it was out there" I stop and shrug.

"How many times have you told your story as a whole talked about what happened to you going right back to when your father committed suicide?"

"As a whole...never, in parts a few times odd bits now and again I have told Eva most of it in parts not in detail I don't want those memories in her head, she has enough shit in head from that asshole Barker and what he did to her". I stop wondering where this is going.

"Eva has given me permission to discuss what we talk about in our sessions" he hands me a signed paper with Eva's signature on the bottom. I look at it and nod my understanding.

"Gideon, Eva has also asked me to give you this" he hands me a small envelope. I take it from him and open it inside is a small note in my wife's neat handwriting. I read it and then run my fingers over it.

_Gideon_

_Please forgive me, I have told Dr Travis all you have told me about what happened to you, I love you but I needed to talk to someone I want to help to get you whole and healthy again and I needed to talk to him, I trust him and he can help you baby, just talk to him and tell him what you told me._

_He won't press you or pressurise you he is a good man baby and he will listen and help you. I love you baby, but I'm not a qualified professional Dr Travis can help, I know it's hard for you but you can trust him._

_I love you, Eva xx_

"She says I should trust you" I say as I run my fingers over the paper, over Eva's writing.

Dr Travis smiles, "That is very kind of her, I'm glad she thinks that way" he says

"I find it hard to let people in, I don't like shrinks" I spit the word shrinks bitterly.

"Yet you sought help from Dr Peterson?" Dr Travis says.

I nod, "to keep Eva, she wanted it so I did it" I say

"You fear you will lose Eva?" Dr Travis asks

"Yes" I say I feel the fear slice through me as I say this as I confront my biggest fear, that I will lose the woman I love.

"Why?" Dr Travis asks

"She is as broken as I am, from what that piece of shit did to her, when we first got together I fucked things up regularly and her answer was to run, I spent the first few weeks of our relationship, chasing after her, and apologising for my latest fuck up, I'm scared I'm going to do it again at some point" I stop and shake my head.

"Why did you fuck up Gideon?" Dr Travis asks

"Because I don't know how to have a relationship with someone, it was new and I failed to take into account of someone else's feelings and someone like Eva who had triggers from her past I didn't handle it well" I stop and look down at the note again. When I look up I feel a resolve run though me.

"I'm going to talk, Dr Travis, I am going talk like I have never talked before, and I'm not going to stop until I've finished, its going to be a car crash and it is probably...no definitely going to take longer than my allotted hour but I will be willing to pay whatever you want, I need to do this, I need to get all this poison out I need to be rid of it I am 29 years old and I have carried this around with me for so many years and I don't want it any more, I am hoping I can trust you Dr Travis and that when I have finished you can help me get rid of the poison and make me healthy and whole".

Dr Travis smiles at me, "I'm all ears Gideon, of course you can trust me and I will do my best to help you" he leans back and puts down his tablet and places his hands on his stomach knotting his fingers, and making himself comfortable, "Just take your time and tell me how you want to and we will take it from there, ok?"

I take a deep breath "Yes" I say firmly.

"Ok then Gideon when you are ready" Dr Travis says gently, he reaches for the mug to his right on a small table and takes a sip of his coffee, I grasp mine and take a gulp of it.

"I think the best place to start is when my father ...when he killed himself, I was five years old..."


	2. Chapter 2

CHAPTER ONE

I am feeling unusually nervous about this I am about to spill my guts about my car crash of a life from the beginning.

"I think the best place to start is when my father ...when he killed himself, I was five years old, I remember that day, like it was yesterday, you have to remember, I didn't really know my father that well, he was never there as such, he was always working, had places to go and people to see everyone loved him he was making people rich and what's not to like about that, then things seemed to change it happened suddenly, some men came to talk to my dad, and he went with them, and after that when he came back he was arguing with mom, all the time, she was always crying and people didn't like him any more, I didn't understand what had happened and nobody bothered to explain things to me, I had no idea what was happening but I knew whatever it was wasn't good".

"How did that make you feel?" Dr Travis asks

I shrug, "I was scared, I didn't know what was happening, even though my dad wasn't there a lot of the time, everyone was happy and mom was always smiling and cheerful, and suddenly she wasn't, I was worried I had done something wrong, because mom snapped at me because she was upset, I thought it was my fault that my mom and dad were arguing and my mom was crying".

I shiver at the memory of sitting in my room with my hands over my ears to shut out the arguing and my mom's crying, praying that everything would be ok again.

"Then one day, I was outside playing in the yard, my dad was at home, he was at home all the time by this point, I should have been happy to have him around, but it wasn't nice, and in my head I thought that it was my fault, he didn't like spending time with us, obviously I realise now what was really happening, but at five years old with nobody explaining to me what was happening my imagination was running riot and imagining all sorts of things. Then this particular day, my dad was very distant he was preoccupied, I realise now he was planning his suicide. I was out playing in the back yard and he went down to the summerhouse, I went to go with him and he told me to stay near the house that he wanted some time alone, I did as I was told. He smiled at me and told me he loved me and to be a good boy for mom" I nodded and watched him walk away, that was the last thing he said to me" I stop, staring into the past memories as I see that day clearly in my head.

"I went up to the deck and I was playing with my things when I heard this bang, I knew it was a gun and I ran inside to mom and told her I'd heard a gun go off. She went to my fathers study and looked in his drawer and she went white and then ran outside, she asked where it came from I said the summerhouse and she ran down I followed her and I heard her scream, I ran in and he was there he was on the floor with blood pouring from him, half his skull gone it was..." I stop I realise I am crying.

"You actually saw your fathers body?" Dr Travis sounds shocked, I nod and quickly wipe my eyes.

"Nobody stopped me from going in, my mother realised after a couple of moments I was there though and took me out. I had nightmares for months afterwards I kept seeing my fathers dead body in my dreams" I stop I am shaking, I need my wife, I want Eva, I look up at Dr Travis.

"Excuse me a moment" I say and leave the room. I call Eva, on the first ring she answers my call. "Eva Angel I need you" I gasp, I feel my throat tightening I can't do this alone I need my wife at my side.

"Gideon baby are you ok?" she sounds worried.

"No I'm not I need you Angel" I plead.

"Give me 10 minutes" she says, I immediately start to calm the panic receding back.

"Thank you" I mutter, I turn and return to the room.

Dr Travis is looking at me with concern, "Do you want to leave it there for tonight Gideon?" he asks.

I shake my head firmly, "No I am going to talk and get it all out and then I am never going to speak of this again, I have called Eva I need her she will be here in about ten minutes. I say. Dr Travis nods and gestures to the seat and I sit down.

"Did your mother talk to you about your fathers death?" Dr Travis asks gently.

I shake my head, "No not really, she said he was a coward and took the selfish way out, he didn't want to be held accountable for his actions, she was a mess, the house was sold everything that was familiar was gone, I was scared, I became really clingy with my mother I didn't want to let her out of my sight. She hooked up with Chris Vidal pretty quickly I think she was desperate she wanted some stability back in her life, but for me it was like my dad had been replaced, then Christopher came along pretty quickly and I felt I was being replaced too. She had this new home, new husband and new son, and I just fit in there, I was being bullied at school, kids whose families had lost everything through my father used to set on me, I was alone totally alone. I realise now I should have said something but every time you mentioned my dad, my mom would get upset so I didn't want her to get upset so I just didn't say anything, and the resentment and feelings of not belonging and being pushed out grew and I started acting up, I'd have these huge tantrums I'd throw things and smash things up, god I was out of control. Chris used to try and discipline me, the only person who understood me was Angus, he worked for Chris and was the driver who took me to school, he saw one day these boys bullying me and he came and got me and stood up for me, after that I turned to him, he became a surrogate father figure for me, but he wasn't always there" I stop as there is a knock at the door.

I turn and see Eva standing in the doorway looking worried. I immediately stand and walk to her, she wraps me in her arms.

"Its ok baby I'm here" she soothes

"Where's Vicky?" I ask looking around.

"She's with Angus" she says and walks with me to the sofa as we sit down I grip her hand tightly.

"Thank you for coming Angel" I say.

"No problem baby" she says.

Dr Travis looks up, "Gideon has decided to talk until he has told everything about his life, no matter how long it takes he says he is getting it all out and then never speaking of it again, at the moment we are talking about the events surrounding his fathers suicide and that time in his life".

Eva nods, "I will probably have to go if it goes on long baby, I can't leave Vicky with Angus all night" she says.

I nod "I understand " I say, I grip her hand, "I don't want my crap in your head, you have enough of your own, I'm being selfish, you should be with our daughter, I'm sorry I called you"

"Hey stop it you needed me and I am here to help if I can" she says she touches my face and I lean into her touch, I feel safe and loved.

"Gideon, tell me a little more about your relationship with Angus" Dr Travis says

I smile, "Angus is a good man, I trust him with my life, he was a driver for Chris Vidal, his job was to drive me to school amongst other things, but he was kind to me, he stood up for me against the bullies at school, he was there for me, I used to go and help him wash the cars and we'd talk about stuff, nothing important, sport, weather you know just general chit chat. He was always interesting in what I was doing and as i got older I preferred his company to anyone elses. As soon as I was in a position to do so, I hired him away from Chris Vidal and I gave him a job. You could say he was my best friend when I was growing up" I turn and see Eva listening carefully. She smiles at me and i return it.

"What about your relationship with your step father and your brother?" Dr Travis says

I shake my head, "it wasn't good," I say to myself I think that's the understatement of the year.

"Why not, why don't you talk about that" Dr Travis says


	3. Chapter 3

CHAPTER TWO

"What about your relationship with your step father and your brother?" Dr Travis says

I shake my head, "it wasn't good," I say, to myself I think that's the understatement of the year.

"Why? why don't you talk about that" Dr Travis says

I look at Eva and she squeezes my hand tightly giving me the encouragement to go on, I am faltering already, what the hell am going to be like when I get on to the abuse, I don't want Eva here then I don't want that in her head. Shit I should never have called her.

"My relationship with Chris was strained, he had no idea how to handle me, I was out of control, you have to understand I was young had no real idea what was going on nobody told me anything, everything that was familiar to me had been torn away from me, I was scared, I was just a scared child, my mother wanted to move on and she did, very quickly, Chris Vidal was an old friend of the family and he willingly stepped in to take my fathers place at her side. I'm not trying to make excuses but I didn't want him, I wanted my dad back, I wanted the life I had before I wanted my dad to be out at work and my mom to be happy, I thought it was my fault my dad had killed himself, that he didn't want to be with us any more, that I had done something wrong to cause everything to happen, and when mom married Chris I felt even more pushed out, he made my mom happy again, she was soon pregnant with Christopher and I felt I was intruding on her new perfect life, I was just a reminder of the time when she wasn't happy, and a reminder of everything my dad had done. I wanted attention, I didn't care how I got it, there was a new baby my mom's attention was all on Christopher and I was pushed out, so I acted up" I pause "I was so naughty I'd have these spectacular tantrums..." I stop again.

"Baby, its ok, you were a child you had had the rug pulled out from under you everything you had which was familiar was gone, its no wonder you acted up, you were hurting" Eva is holding me tightly and I feel the love coming from her.

"Things got bad, as Christopher got older he started to copy me, I was jealous of him, he had taken my mom away from me, and he was jealous of me, he thought I got all the attention because of my behaviour, it was like a stalemate which grew into hatred and resentment. I remember one time Christopher was out playing with my mom with a ball – I was watching and mom invited me to go and join in, I was so jealous that she was playing with Christopher, she had never done anything like that with me, so I walked over and grabbed the ball from Christopher and burst it, My main thing was throwing things around, and smashing stuff I was totally out of control. The only person who could do anything with me was Angus; I ended up spending more and more time with him. I felt safe with him Anyway to cut a longs story short, things didn't get any better if anything they got a damn sight worse, Chris and my mom decided I should get therapy they had discussed it for a while but my mom had shied away from it she didn't want the stigma of thinking her son was in need of such a thing, But things couldn't go on the way they were doing the more they tried to punish me and discipline me the more I kicked off. It all came to a head one lunchtime we were sitting around the table and Christopher was goading me, he knew what buttons to press to get me going, he took away my fork, mom told him to give it back and he threw it at me, I picked up the water jug and threw the water over him, he screamed blue murder anyone would think I'd smashed the jug over his head, Chris was furious and told me to leave the table, I said that Christopher had started it and if I went he should as well, Chris said that I was older and should know better, and that I should set an example to Christopher. I said that I didn't want to and that I hated him, and that I hated everyone, that I wanted my old life back, mom started to cry and Chris got even angrier it. I stood up and kicked my chair across the room, Christopher was watching and he started to copy me, he picked his plate up and threw it and started imitating me shouting and screaming. Chris grabbed me and took me to my room, was hitting and biting and punching and it was after that I started with the therapy. Mom was pregnant again with Ireland and she was having a rough time and I didn't handle it very well, when she told me she was having another baby I lost it and then I was afraid, afraid that something would happen, she was really sick and spent time in hospital from time to time, because of the pregnancy, I didn't want my mom to die and I was afraid she would and she would leave me like my dad did".

I close my eyes as that day, the day when I lost it with Christopher and he imitated me, making my mother decide to put me in therapy comes back into my mind, I start to recall the events of that dinner table incident.

"I can see what you are doing Christopher will you stop it, mom tell him" I look desperately at my mother as Christopher slyly pokes my arm with his knife. He has already tried to pour water on me and take my food, I can feel my anger rising and he knows it, he won't be happy until I snap. I look at my mother pleading with my eyes for her to do something, Chris scowls at me.

"Gideon, stop whining, Christopher behave yourself and stop it, i've had enough, can we just eat one meal in peace and quiet without you two bickering".

I shut up and glance at my mother, she doesn't look well, she is going to have another baby, and its making her ill, I am scared what happens if something happens and she dies, what will happen then, if she is gone, they won't want me, what will happen to me, fear grips me and I stare at my plate. As I reach for my fork, I see Christopher lean over and take it. I look up and see my mother frowning at him.

"Christopher will you stop it and give Gideon his fork back now" she says.

Christopher looks innocently at her and then puts the fork down only to take it again when my mother looks away. I feel my anger rising and I grab his wrist, he squeals and snatches his hand away throwing the fork on the floor, that's it that little shit is going to get what's coming to him, I grab the water jug and throw its contents all over him.

"Leave my damn fork alone!" I scream at him. He looks shocked as he sits there drenched in water, i want to laugh, then he starts to scream, he's hysterical mom is staring at him she moves towards him to try and comfort him, but Chris is furious I see the anger on his face.

"For gods sake Gideon, what's wrong with you?!" he snarls at me

"He started it" I protest pointing at Christopher who is still shrieking like a banshee

Chris turns to Christopher, "Stop that noise now" he demands slamming his hand down on the table, it makes Christopher jump and he immediately quietens, he stares at Chris who returns his gaze to me. "As for you, you are older and you should know better, you should set an example to your brother, now get out of my sight"

"NO!" I yell, "You're not my dad, you can't tell me what to do, I hate you, I hate him I want to go home, I don't want to be in this family any more I want my old family back. Just my mom and dad" I regret that as soon as it comes out of my mouth the effect it has on my mother is instant she collapses in a heap of tears, I stare at her horrified. "Mom" I whisper but she doesn't respond.

I swallow deeply then I feel Chris' hand on my arm he is dragging me upright, I shake it off and walk towards my mom, but he stops me, and something inside me snaps I pick up my chair and hurl it across the room I have lost it completely, I walk over to it and kick it fiercely sending it tumbling in another direction, Chris is beside himself he grabs my arm and tries to frogmarch me out of the room, Christopher starts imitating my protests and then throws his plate of food across the room, he stares at me an a sly grin crosses his lips. I am kicking and lashing out at Chris I don't want to go, I need to go to my mom, but I realise she doesn't want me any more, I have gone too far, she is trying to calm down Christopher i watch his smug face grin at me as I look at him as I am being removed physically from the room. Chris pushes me into my room.

"You will stay here for the rest of the day, I don't want to see you again today Gideon". With that he turns on his heel and leaves I sink on to my bed ...i am alone.


	4. Chapter 4

CHAPTER 3

I am pulled from my thoughts by Eva she is squeezing my hand, "are you ok?" she asks me she is looking at me with such love and concern on her face it floors me, what would I do without this woman by my side? I remember how I told her that keeping her with me was self preservation, that has never been truer than at this moment, she is holding me together I didn't realise how hard this was going to be, but just having her beside me gives me the strength to do it, but I am fast approaching the part of my story where she only knows too well pain the and suffering I endured and I don't want her to have to endure it with me.

"Angel, I think you should go and be with Vicky" I say I am gripping her hand I unconsciously want her to be with me but I don't want her to hear this.

She looks at her watch in surprise, "I'm ok for a while yet, why, do you want me to go?" she asks

I pause, "I am fast approaching the time in my life where unspeakable things happened, but they were the unspeakable things which you also endured in your childhood, I don't want my memories in your head, you have enough pain of your own to deal with" I try and release my hand from hers but she holds on to me.

"No, Gideon, you are my husband this is the part of your story I need to be here for, because I have some idea of what you went through, I need to be here to support you, I was there when you talked of it before. I have seen your nightmares Gideon, I have seen your pain, and as your wife I will not leave you as you relive the darkest time in your life" she stares at me those beautiful stormy grey eyes showing an intensity which calls to me on a level which I had never known before I met her. She leans towards me, and wraps her arms around me and immediately I feel safe, I feel loved and cherished and I know this is her intention, she wants me to know that time in my life when I was so alone is now in the past and gone and it is time for me to let it go, its time to purge myself of these demons I have been carrying inside myself for years. She needs me to know that I will never feel like that again. It gives me the courage to talk about what I am going to say next. I feel the beads of sweat starting to appear on my forehead and top lip, I am afraid, I really don't want to do this, but I know to be healed to be the man my wife deserves as a husband that I have to I have to confront this and speak of it I have to do this, my mind goes back to that day when my mother and Chris sat me down and told me that I was going into therapy...

"Gideon darling come and sit down, I have something to tell you" my mother calls to me and I walk towards her she is sitting on the sofa and Chris is standing by her side with his hand on her shoulder, I look at them they look tense, my eyes wander to the noticeable bump of the new baby in her tummy and I am afraid, after my meltdown yesterday at lunchtime I am worried, they don't want me any more, they are going to send me away somewhere, so I can't contaminate them any more. I am bracing myself for the inevitable. My mother leans towards me to take my hands and I shrink away from her, I don't want her touch I just need her to get this over with. I see the hurt on her face as I reject her, and I immediately feel bad, but if I am to be sent away I don't want to prolong the agony.

Chris sits down beside my mother, and looks hard at me, I stare defiantly at him, I know he makes my mother happy, and that's all I want, for her to be happy and smiling like she used to be, and it hits me its me, I'm the reason everyone is miserable, I know what is coming so I sit resigned to my fate.

"Gideon darling we are worried about you" she starts, "We have tried to help you through what has obviously been a very traumatic few years, but we just can't cope any more" I nod here it comes...

"Darling, we should have done this a long while ago, but we thought we could cope but obviously we can't and I'm sorry we have let you down" she starts to cry. Wait, what does she mean? I listen carefully.

Chris opens his mouth to speak and I turn towards him. "Gideon we have been talking and we think you need some professional help, we are going to put you into therapy".

I am stunned, I don't react as my mother reaches for me again, "We have talked with a lovely lady and she will come here and sit with you and talk through all your worries and try and make you feel better ok?" she says gently.

"So you are not going to send me away?" I mutter

"Gideon, why would you think such a thing? I love you darling, you are my son" she looks shocked.

Relief floods me, I am going to be able to talk to someone about my feelings and my worries this is going to be good I will stop feeling so angry all the time, everyone will be happy, again" I nod enthusiastically, and I manage a smile, the look of relief on Chris and my mothers face is heartbreaking they were expecting me to kick off about it.

"Good boy, this is for the best" Chris says as he touches my arm.

I nod again, "I'm sorry about yesterday" I say, "Christopher just knows what buttons to press to get me going and he likes to do it" I say

My mother nods, "I know darling, he's your little brother and that is what little brothers do, hopefully with some professional help it will give you the tools to not be so angry all the time".

I nod again, "I want this, I want to be happy" I say, my mother leans forward and hugs me tightly, and I hug her back, I am feeling positive about this I am going to do this.

I am pulled from my thoughts and memories and I stop describing what happened as Dr Travis interrupts me.

"So you were positive about going into therapy?" he asks

I nod, "Yes, I wanted to be happy, I realise now I was probably clinically depressed and traumatised by my fathers death, I just wanted to stop feeling so bad all the time, I knew that if I did this and managed to get myself back to normal it would make my mom happy...and that she would love me again and I would feel part of the family" I stop I had never realised this before now, I just wanted to belong, I felt I had no place in the family my mother had made for herself and I just wanted to belong.

I feel Eva move closer to me, the feel of her body next to me normally stirs feelings of lust in me but at this moment all I feel is comfort and its a good feeling, for the first time in so many years I finally feel like I belong – I have a wife, a daughter, my own family I belong, my daughter depends on me to care for her, my wife depends on me to love her and I depend on both of them for so much, I have a purpose, I have a place in the world and a reason for my existence, no not existence – I existed for years but now I am living, I am feeling, I am loving and its all down to the woman beside me, she has released me and given me what I have always craved ...love and a life.


	5. Chapter 5

CHAPTER 4

"So what happened when the therapy started, how did the therapy start?" Dr Travis asks.

"The therapist and her assistant came to the house, it was felt that for me to get the most benefit from it I should be somewhere familiar so I'd feel safe". I shake my head at the irony of what I have just said.

"Did you like the therapist?" Dr Travis asks

I nod, "yes she was nice, she had kind eyes and she seemed to really care, but him...I didn't like him he just stared at me, his job was to take notes and assist her..." once again my memory travels back through the years to that first therapy session.

"Gideon" I hear my mother shout.

I come running down the stairs and see a tall thin red haired man and a smiling blonde woman. I stop dead and stare back.

"Hello Gideon, don't be afraid, I'm Dr Gilmore and this is my assistant we are here to talk with you and help you ok?" I nod carefully. She smiles at me a huge warm welcoming smile and I immediately like her, I take a quick look at the man, he is just staring at me, and it is unnerving me a little, he smiles but it doesn't reach his eyes.

"Hello Gideon, you can call me Hugh, I am Dr Gilmore's assistant, I am hoping we can become friends".

I nod but there is something about this man I don't like I'm not sure what it is but I dismiss it. My mother shows us into a small lounge near to the front door and we go in, my mother sits down on the sofa. I go and sit beside her and reach for her, she holds my hand.

Dr Gilmore sits down on the other sofa with Hugh at the side of her, he has a notepad and pen and he is taking notes of what is being said.

"So Gideon, why don't we talk about you, who is Gideon? What do you like to do, what is fun for you?" Dr Gilmore asks with a smile.

I look at my mom and she encourages me, I am worried I don't want to say the wrong thing, I look at Dr Gilmore.

"I don't know" I say quietly

"It's ok Gideon, there is no right or wrong answer, I just want you to talk about you" she says.

I nod, "Ok, my name is Gideon Geoffrey Cross and I am 12 years old, I live here with my mom and my step dad – Chris and my brother Christopher, I used to live with my mom and dad, but my dad died he left us he went and mom married Chris, I like cars and games I like playing games". I stop.

"Do you play games with your brother Gideon?" Dr Gilmore asks

"No" I answer sharply

"Why?" she asks

"He's too young, and he doesn't like me" I say, I stop as I hear my mother take a sharp intake of breath. I put my head down, I don't want to upset my mom.

"It's ok Gideon, you've done nothing wrong" Dr Gilmore says. I look up and she smiles at me.

"You mentioned your father Gideon, what do you remember about him?" Dr Gilmore asks

I look at my mom, "he was always at work, everyone liked him and my mom always smiled and was happy, he didn't spend much time with me, but he did sometimes, I remember once we went to the beach and we built sandcastles, we went down to the water and fetched water to put in the moat we had dug around the castle it was huge, mom took some photo's" I look at her. "I like the beach when I see the beach I remember that day, that was a good day" I stop.

"That's really good Gideon, thank you for sharing that, it sounds lovely, how does it make you feel when you think of that day at the beach?" Dr Gilmore asks

"Happy" I say immediately

"That's good, now Gideon I want you to close your eyes and picture that beach in your mind can you do that for me?" she asks

I nod and close my eyes and I see the beach.

"Do you see it?" she asks

I nod.

"That's really good Gideon, now this is your safe place, whenever you feel scared or out of control or angry or upset I want you think of your safe place and how that place makes you feel, and hopefully it will calm you down and make you feel less sad, do you understand me?"

I nod again.

"That's really good Gideon, you are doing so well, you are a very good boy" I open my eyes and I smile at her.

"What else do you remember about your father?" she asks

I close my eyes, "Blood, lots of blood" I say

I hear my mother gasp and she immediately bursts into tears, I panic, "I'm sorry mom" I scream and I jump up and run my hands through my hair I am scared now.

Dr Gilmore stands up and holds me tightly in her arms, "It's ok Gideon remember your safe place" she soothes I start to calm down.

She looks at my mom "Mrs Vidal, can I ask why you had such a violent response to what Gideon said?"

"He should never have seen it, he should have stayed away" she sobs

"But he did, and now we are trying to help him come to terms with what he saw" Dr Gilmore says kindly. She turns back to me, "Gideon, what do you remember about that day?" she says.

"Is this really necessary?" my mother asks

"Yes Mrs Vidal it is, Gideon needs to talk about what he witnessed and come to terms with it so he can move on" she says

I look at my mother and then to Dr Gilmore, "Its ok Gideon" she says

"I was out playing my dad came walking down the hill from the house and was heading towards the summerhouse I ran to him, he told me not to follow him, and told me he loved me and to be a good boy, he was at home all time then, but he didn't want to be there, he was always shouting and arguing with mom, he didn't want to be with us any more, so he shot himself, he had a gun and he shot himself in the head, there was lots of blood" I turn to my mom, "I'm sorry I've not been a good boy, I promise I will try and be a good boy" I say tears in my eyes now.

"Gideon did anyone ever talk to you about what happened and the reasons why your dad killed himself?" Dr Gilmore says.

I shake my head, "No, but he didn't like being at home so he killed himself to get away, he didn't love me or want to be with me" i say firmly.

"Gideon that's not true darling, he loved you" my mother sobs, she wraps her arms around me, "I'm so sorry Gideon I have failed you I didn't know how to explain to you about your father so I didn't bother, your dad did a very bad thing, he stole a lot of money from different people and he was supposed to go to prison for it, he didn't want to go to prison so he killed himself instead".

I stare at her, suddenly all the bullying makes sense, "People have been picking on me beating me up at school saying that my dad stole their families money" I say

My mother looks horrified. "Oh my god, Gideon I am so sorry, why didn't you say something?" she says.

I shake my head, "I didn't want to make you sad, you cry when anyone mentions dad and I didn't want to make you cry" I say.

"How do you feel now you know the truth and you have told your mom about the bullying?" Dr Gilmore asks

"Ok" I say carefully.

"That's really good Gideon you have done exceptionally well today I am going to need to talk to your mom for a few moments ok, do you want to go with Hugh over there and he can sit and talk with you about the different coping strategies, like your safe place ok?" she smiles at me again.

"Ok" I say again.

Hugh stands and leads me over to the table in the corner and sits beside me. I look over to my mom and she smiles at me. "Gideon, you have been very brave today, now for me to help you I am going have to ask you to trust me ok?"

I nod but don't say anything.

"Do you trust me to help you Gideon?" he asks smiling at me, he puts his hand on my arm.

"Ok" I say.

"That's good Gideon, we are going to become good friends" he says.


	6. Chapter 6

**WARNING: This chapter deals with the first time Gideon was touched by Hugh and later raped by him. I have put in a line before the detail about when Hugh first touched Gideon and another one before the actual rape part so anyone who doesn't want to read it can end the chapter there, if you want to skip this chapter completely then that's fine too, as there are is nothing in here which will be carried forward. **

CHAPTER 5

"Oh baby, he groomed you right from the first session." Eva's voice comes to me and draws me back.

Dr Travis shakes his head, "Gideon do you want to take a break for a moment?" he asks

I nod and I cling to Eva and bury my head in her shoulder. "It's ok Gideon, I am here" she says as she strokes my back.

I sit up and take a deep breath, "It was pretty much like that for the next few months, but as we talked more about my dad, and things, the more upset my mom got and it got to the point where Dr Gilmore was spending more time with my mom than with me, then one day she really lost it...my mom that is and Dr Gilmore took her out and asked Hugh work with me with my coping strategies, that was the first time he ...he ...touched me"

Dr Travis looks hard at me, "Are you sure you are ready to talk about this Gideon, if you need more time that's absolutely fine, we have plenty of time, you are doing so well, but if you need a moment".

I shake my head, "No I want to get this out now, Eva has to go soon and I need her here when I relive this its ...I...I need you Angel" I say and I stare at her pleading with her but I don't know what I am pleading for.

Eva holds me tightly, "I'm right here" she says, she climbs on to my knee and straddles me, wrapping her arms around me, normally this highly intimate gesture would be making me horny and I'd be tearing her clothes off but at this moment I wrap my arms around her and hold her tightly. "I'm right here, take your time" she croons and kisses my neck.

My mind goes back to that first time when he touched me, I take a deep breath and begin to recall the events of that day...

* * *

**(THE FOLLOWING SECTION DEALS WITH THE FIRST TIME HUGH TOUCHED GIDEON STOP HERE IF YOU DO NOT WISH TO READ FURTHER).**

* * *

"Mrs Vidal will you calm down please, this is not helpful, Dr Gilmore stands and leads my weeping mother from the room, I am agitated and after she leaves I sigh. I look at Hugh, expecting him to ask me about the beach and my safe place and help me with the other coping strategies that have been put into place; he walks over to me and puts his notebook down. He takes my shoulders and looks at me.

"Gideon, let me show you another way to cope, you are so agitated and on edge, you have started puberty haven't you?"

I nod, "ok do you trust me Gideon, I think I know a way which will make you feel better help you to relax a bit more, we are both men and as men we know what its like to be on edge".

I look at him wondering where this is going, but I nod, he smiles at me and runs his and down my arm.

"Have you heard of masturbation Gideon?" he asks

I nod, "That's when you play with yourself, we learnt about it in sex ed at school"

"That's very good, so do you know how to masturbate?" he asks

I shake my head, "I've never done it, I know what it is but I don't do it" I stammer.

"That's ok Gideon, don't worry, would you like me to show you how, I think it would help you, help you to deal with your edginess, it would help to calm you down?".

"Erm...ok" I say, I'm not sure about this but if it helps its worth a try.

"Good boy, now unfasten your trousers and take out your penis" I do as he tells me and he tells me how to stroke myself I follow his instructions, but he shakes his head. "No Gideon, you are doing it wrong, may I? Let me show you how to do it correctly".

I swallow hard and remove my hand, he goes to his bag and puts something on his hand and then takes me in his hand and he starts rubbing hard, I gasp in shock at the sensation, a few moments later I have my first orgasm the sensation tears through me and I put my hands out to steady myself.

"There does that feel better?" Hugh looks at me as he wipes his hand on an antiseptic wipe, he hands me one to clean myself I put myself straight.

I nod, I'm not quite sure what just happened but I do feel really calm now.

"Oh baby, he was a monster" Eva is in tears holding me tightly "he made you believe he was helping you but he abused his position of trust and he abused you".

I put my head down, Eva looks at me and cups my face with her hands, she looks straight into my eyes, "I believe you Gideon, I believe you" she says firmly.

I nod and kiss her gently on the lips.

"So that was that, that was the first time, he ...touched me...and I let him do it, I began to realise something wasn't right when he wanted to do it every time we were alone, and the fact he insisted on doing it to calm me down even when I was really calm. Then one day I said no, I said I was fine I didn't need to do it and he didn't need to touch me, he said perhaps we should try something else".

"Oh god" Eva is horrified. "Is this the first time he...raped you?" she whispers

I nod, "Angel if you want to go I won't stop you, you know as well as I do what rape is like I won't put you though my experiences after what you have been through its not fair". I go to push her from me but she holds on to me.

"No way" she says firmly, "you are about to relive the most traumatic experience of your life, you are about to talk about when you were raped Gideon, I will not let you do that alone, you are not alone any more I am here to love you and support you, you will not do this alone" she grips my chin and stares at me.

I nod and swallow, this is it this is the moment I have been dreading Dr Travis moves closer and touches my arm, I jump violently.

"It's ok Gideon, take your time, we have all the time in the world if you want to stop, then you stop, if you want to talk you talk, if you want to scream and shout, that's fine too, if you want to cry do so, you are safe here and whatever you want to do is absolutely fine".

I nod, I can feel my heart beating faster and the beads of sweat building, I cling to Eva to try and fight the building feeling of nausea threatening to overwhelm me as I see in my minds eye that day, the first time I was violated the first of many times I am fighting the memory but it stampedes into my brain and overwhelms me...

* * *

**(WHAT FOLLOWS IS THE FIRST TIME HUGH RAPED GIDEON, IF YOU DON'T WANT TO READ IT STOP HERE).**

* * *

"No, I don't want to do that, I'm fine I don't want you to touch me like that any more, I know what to do now" I say as I back away from Hugh.

"That's good Gideon, that's really good, I am so pleased you know what to do, but look at you, you are all anxious again, you need to calm yourself, maybe the masturbation alone isn't helping as it used to, shall we try something different?" I look at him and see him slowly unzip his trousers and take his cock out, he is rubbing himself and he is aroused, I stare at him, backing away I'm scared now I don't want him near me I don't understand what is happening.

"Gideon why don't we masturbate together?"

I shake my head, "No I don't want to" I say

"Gideon, it will really help, unzip your trousers and come here, come on there's a good boy you will enjoy this"

"No" I say, I go to run but he is too fast for me, he grabs me and yanks down my trousers he bends me over the table and reaches around and grabs me, I feel his arousal near my ass and I am scared I can't move, I want to get away but I just can't move.

"Let me go you are hurting me" I say

"No Gideon, you like this, look how hard you are, you are going to come for me look" he continues touching me and then I feel the most intense pain I have ever felt in my life, I feel like I am being ripped in half I scream but he puts his hand over my mouth.

"No you will stay quiet, you won't make a sound, this is all about self control Gideon you need to learn self control ok?"

I am crying and the pain continues I am frozen with fear I have no idea what he is doing and then as I hear him pushing against me it dawns on me what he is doing and I close my eyes I want to die, I try and picture the beach my safe place but the pain is too intense its too much I hear myself pleading with him to get off and to leave me alone. But he just won't stop I retreat into myself and try and pretend this isn't happening then I feel heat ,warm and wet and he collapses on me I can't breathe he continues to touch me until I come. I feel ashamed, I feel dirty, what the hell just happened to me? That wasn't therapy that didn't help I am in agony as he pulls away from me and I nearly collapse in the floor he cleans me up and puts me back together, and leads me to the sofa. It hurts when I sit down I am trembling I have no idea what to do, do I tell someone?

As if he can read my thoughts he says "This is our secret Gideon, our secret therapy ok, you must not tell anyone about this because people wouldn't believe you and it would make your mom sad if she thought you were lying wouldn't it?"

I nod, I am numb I have no idea what to do, but I know that wasn't therapy.


	7. Chapter 7

CHAPTER 6

I am brought back to the present and I realise I am trembling and tears are pouring down my cheeks, I am gripping Eva so tightly I must be hurting her, I immediately let go.

"Angel did I hurt you?" I ask anxiously

"No I'm fine" she says gently. She is still holding me and the warmth from her body gives me comfort, I feel safe and loved.

Dr Travis is looking at me, "Gideon, are you sure you are ok? You seem very wiped out at the moment I really think we should take a break"

I nod, "Ok" I say.

We all take a walk outside and I take in deep breaths of the night air, and I do so I am violently sick, I feel Eva stroking my back and whispering to me that everything is ok, I feel myself sink to my knees and I close my eyes, but I am actually feeling quite calm now, and almost at peace I am facing my past and banishing my demons. I realise what I have done and look around. Dr Travis appears with a bucket of water and washes away the vomit.

"I'm sorry" I mutter as I wipe my mouth, I am embarrassed I stagger to my feet and I feel Eva's hand on my arm helping me up.

"Don't worry Gideon, nothing to be sorry about" Dr Travis says kindly.

"Eva" I say looking around for my wife.

"I 'm here" she whispers and I feel her take my hand, she runs her hand up and down my arm.

"I'm sorry" I say Eva shakes her head and pulls me to her

Dr Travis looks at me with concern "Would you like a drink Gideon?" he asks

I realise how dry my mouth is and I nod my head, we head back inside and Dr Travis takes us into a small kitchen area.

"What would you like?" he asks

He casts his eyes around and then opens a fridge and looks inside, "we have coffee, tea, water or milk" he says

"Water please" I say, as he hands it to me, I see Eva rummaging in her bag, she hands me a toothbrush and some toothpaste and smiles at me, she has given me her toothbrush to use to freshen my mouth up. I walk to the sink and quickly brush my teeth.

I quickly throw back the bottle of water and prepare to head back into the consulting room. As we walk inside, Eva grips my arm, and pulls me back towards her.

"You are doing so well baby, I am so proud of you for doing this, how are you doing?"

I nod "I'm ok, it feels right to get it all out get rid of it – it's time" I say and run my fingers down her cheek.

She touches my face, mirroring my gesture, "I believe you Gideon, I believe you" she says and I immediately wrap my arms around her. Dr Travis is looking at us carefully.

As we file back into the consulting room I take my seat on the sofa and Eva sits beside me and takes my hand putting it on her lap between both her hands. I take a deep breath and look steadily towards Dr Travis. I am feeling much better like I have opened a valve and let the poison flow from me.

"Gideon, may I ask a question?" Dr Travis says

I nod, "Why does Eva keep saying that she believes you? Is there a particular reason for this?" he looks at Eva and then at me.

"Yes" I say, "I eventually plucked up the courage to tell my mother what was going on and she didn't believe me...she does now, quite recently actually, I confronted her and made her realise I had been telling the truth but at the time she didn't believe me".

"Your mother didn't believe you?" Dr Travis says incredulously, I have never seen him look so shocked.

I shrug, "she had good reason, and everyone else told her nothing had happened so she believed them".

"I think this is the next part of the story we need to visit". Dr Travis says, looking at me closely.

I turn to Eva, "Are you still ok to be here Angel, if you need to get back to Vicky..?" I stop praying she will say she will stay, but I have to give her the option to leave, I feel torn I know she needs to care for our daughter but right at this moment I need her.

She smiles at me, "Just give me a moment" she says and leaves the room.

Moments later she returns pushing her phone into her purse. "Angus is fine with having Vicky over night she has been bathed, fed, changed and is now sleeping, Angus is in the guest room. She grips my hand, he understands and he says to tell you it's about time".

I smile reluctantly, Angus knows my secrets. I pull Eva towards me and she sits down at my side, I stare at her, I love this woman with such an intensity it hurts to be away from her, I feel I am missing a part of me when she isn't with me. I turn to Dr Travis, "Eva believed me when I told her, because she had slept with me and witnessed my nightmares, she saw how my past tormented me".

"So Gideon are you going to talk about when you told your mother" Dr Travis says.

I nod and begin to speak, once again the memories flood my mind...

"Mom can I talk to you, I need to tell you something?" I go to my mom, she has just put Ireland down to sleep. I glance at the sleeping baby, she is really pretty.

"Sure, just give me a minute ok?" I watch her as she clears away the dirty diaper and washes her hands.

"Right then what do you want to talk about" she says. I walk over to the sofa and sit down, I am scared but I can't go on like this any more.

"Mom, I don't want to go to therapy any more" I say

"Ok, do you feel it has helped you enough?" my mom says

I look up at her tears in my eyes, "I just can't do it any more mom" I say

"Hey, Gideon, what's wrong?" my mom puts her arm around me and I feel safe and loved and it gives me the strength to tell her what has been happening.

"Mom I don't like Hugh, he has been doing bad things" I stop I look up at her

"What are you talking about Gideon, what has he done to you?"

"He started off showing me how to masturbate to calm me down and he touched me to show me how to do it, and then he wouldn't stop and then he ...he...it hurt mom he hurt me, the pain, he was behind me and he hurt me" I have tears streaming down my cheeks and my mother is looking at me in horror.

"Oh my god Gideon, are you telling me what I think you are telling me?" My mother looks distraught.

I nod, "he wouldn't stop mom, he wouldn't stop until I came, he said I enjoyed it, but I swear I didn't mom he hurt me".

My mother folds her arms around me and pulls me to her and tells me everything will be ok. I feel safe.

"Gideon we need to take you to a doctor to examine you to get proof so we can get this man charged, do you understand me?" I nod, I remember the times I bled after he had done things to me. My mother calls Chris and a while later I am sitting telling him the whole sorry story. He looks devastated and promises that we will get to the bottom of this.

"So wait Gideon, your mother did believe you?" Dr Travis looks confused and I am drawn from my past once again.

I nod, "Yes she did, until the paediatrician who examined me lied about the results to protect his brother in law, what could I do, according to him there was no evidence of trauma or violation" I say bitterly. "He made my mother believe I had lied to try and get attention, he alienated me from my family it destroyed any relationship I had with her and Chris, plus the fact when they asked Christopher he lied about hearing me when I was screaming for mercy, I heard him outside the door and started screaming and shouting hoping he would fetch someone but he didn't and then he lied about hearing me, I was completely alienated from my family, I decided the best thing to do was leave, I worked hard at school, went to university, I went to Columbia and then started my own business, the rest as they say is history" I stop I stand up and stretch I've done it I've told everything, its out.

Eva looks up-at me and speaks "Gideon, you need to talk about what you did later on how you tried to get back at Dr Lucas, you need to talk about your relationship with Corrine, and how you segregated yourself from people and lived a solitary life until you met me, its all part of the pain Gideon you need to get it out and get rid of it, nobody is going to judge you for what you did baby, you were hurting and you need to talk about it, you need to tell everything, you need to purge it, I told Dr Travis all about my time when I went off the rails because it was all linked to the abuse, I wouldn't have behaved like that if I hadn't been abused and raped I was hurting and that was how the pain came out for me, I behaved like a slut".

I look at her sharply anger rising inside me at the way my beloved wife is talking about herself. "Don't speak of yourself like that Eva, I won't have it, you are worth more than that" I grip her shoulders and gently shake her.

"No Gideon, you need to realise I am ok with that now, I was scared my past would embarrass you because of who you are and what you have built, but when it became clear you loved me regardless of what I had done, it helped me come to terms with it too. I will love you regardless of what you say, you know that, so do it baby, do it lets clear out the ghosts of the past and look to the future".

I look at Eva "you are the most amazing woman" I say as I touch her cheek.

I turn to Dr Travis, "Can we leave it there for tonight, I have told the main part - the hardest part, I think I need to stop for now, and I'm sure you'd like to go home?"

"Whatever you like Gideon, thank you for trusting me with this, I know how hard it is for you to let people in"

I nod, and stand up offering my hand to Dr Travis who takes it and smiles warmly at me.

"So your next scheduled appointment is tomorrow night for your couples counselling do you want to continue this then?" Dr Travis asks.

I look at Eva and she nods, "yes that seems a good idea" I say I am anxious to finish this now I have begun but I don't want to speak any more tonight, I wrap my arm around Eva, "Lets go home angel I want to see my daughter".

I turn to Dr Travis, "until tomorrow" I say

"Goodnight Gideon, Eva" Dr Travis says as we leave the building.


	8. Chapter 8

**AUTHORS NOTE: I would just like to point out that the atmosphere of this story is gradually going to get lighter from now on as we are approaching the chapters where Gideon talks about his relationship with Eva. It will be basically key parts of the three books from Gideon's perspective. **

CHAPTER 7

We are back home and I am standing watching my daughter sleep, if anyone ever hurts her like Eva and I have been hurt I would kill them and not think twice about it. Angus is surprised to see us he was prepared to sleep in the spare room but now he can go home and sleep in his own bed. He is looking at me carefully as he gathers his things and it pulls me from my dark thoughts.

"Everything alright?" he asks

"Yes thank you Angus" I say and I smile at him, this man who I looked upon as a father figure for years and apart from Eva the only person I totally trust.

After he has gone Eva comes to me and wraps her arm around me, "Angus means a lot to you doesn't he?" she asks

I nod, "Yes he does, he was the only one who tried to help me when my father died who listened to me and comforted me and most importantly he believed me when nobody else did, I didn't tell him everything, just that Hugh had touched me inappropriately, but I'm sure he knew considering the appointments with Lucas and the examinations he transported us to. When Lucas told my mother there was nothing, he still believed me it meant a lot that someone believed me, he was just a driver though and Chris and my mother wouldn't have taken any notice of him if he stood up for me, so he quietly supported me, and he was the only one, which is why as soon as I was able I hired him away from Chris, I knew I could trust him with my life and with his background in the British Secret Service I could give him more job satisfaction than just being a chauffeur".

"I'm glad you had someone" Eva says.

I turn to her, "and now I have you too and Vicky, and you have given me a life which I never thought conceivable".

The next evening we are returning to Dr Travis' office and Eva is once again by my side, I am more nervous about this in some ways than I was about talking about the abuse, as this is about me and my behaviour, which hasn't been exactly stellar over the years, my cold revenge against Dr Lucas and the fallout where I broke his wife, I do still have regrets about that, she was collateral damage, I never expected her to actually fall in love with me, to me it was all a calculated plan to hurt him and alienate him from his family like he did to me, but she got hurt in the process something which I didn't expect. My relationships with the women I fucked. I had a reputation as a ladies man but it never went that deep it was just sex, then there is Corrine, I realise now she loved me, I still can't understand how, she didn't know me, she had no idea who she was in love with, it had to be the public persona, as she never saw the real man underneath, only one person has ever seen the real Gideon, and that is Eva, she managed to breach all my defences and smashed through all the carefully constructed walls I had placed around me, the only person who has ever seen the real me, I turn and look at her, I still have no idea what I have done to deserve the love of this woman, and I have hurt her, I nearly broke her when I used her love for me and her insecurities against her, but I tell myself I did it for her, to keep her safe, Nathan had to go and it was the only way to protect her from suspicion, the only consolation I have is it nearly broke me too.

Dr Travis looks grim as we walk in, I examine his face wondering what the problem is. He shakes my hand and gestures to the seat I sit down and Eva sits with me she frowns at the look on Dr Travis' face I think she too is wondering what is wrong.

"Is there a problem Dr Travis?" I ask unable to contain myself any longer.

He sighs, "Gideon, I have to be honest with you whatever you tell me does not leave these four walls...but, what you told me last night goes against every ethical bone in my body, that man needs to be reported and struck off, how many other children has he molested?"

I sigh, "It's too late, he's dead" I say flatly

"Oh" Dr Travis replies.

"Yes, as soon as I was in a position to, I confronted him I went to his office and told him that the Statute of Limitations may have run out for me but if he laid a hand on another child I would set up a limitless fund to make sure his victims got justice, I assume that there were more as shortly afterwards he killed himself".

"Gideon, last night Eva mentioned a Dr Lucas, I researched him, he is a paediatrician – is he the man who lied to your mother?" Dr Travis asks gently

"Yes" I say, "and before you ask I don't want to report him, I got my revenge"

Dr Travis' eyebrows raise in question and he stares at me.

"I seduced his wife, that is what Eva was talking about last night, she came on to me and I didn't say no, when I found out who she was I kept it going and when she was ready to leave him for me I sent her back to him, I broke her in the process, which I am not proud of but the result was quite effective, he got the message, he tried to warn Eva away from me and we recently confronted them both, she had no idea what he had done to protect her brother, and she was disgusted, she left him shortly afterwards". I stop I look defiantly at Dr Travis waiting for him to denounce me but he doesn't.

"So did that make you feel better?" Dr Travis says

I think for a moment, "yes and no" I say "I was glad she left him eventually, he is now alone and I alienated him from his family – he now feels how I felt for years, but am I proud of what happened to Anne? No I'm not, I never expected her to react that way, I had no feelings for her whatsoever, but it seems she fell in love with me, Eva has tried to explain it to me, but I can't understand how anyone could love me".

"Do you think that about Eva, do you wonder how she can love you?" Dr Travis asks

"Yes, that is why I wanted to marry her so quickly, I needed the legality, I needed the control so that she couldn't leave me without a struggle, I even drafted a pre-nup which leaves me vulnerable if I do anything stupid" I stop.

Dr Travis looks at Eva and she nods, "Yes, I was astounded when I read it, it was if he was bribing me to stay with him, I got money just for agreeing to marry him, more for every child I had with him, everything he acquired after the date of our marriage I was entitled to half of, and if he cheats on me he pays severely, he pays me to come to therapy with him, and if we are ever in the position to divorce we have to go through mediation first, I didn't want to sign it I told him there was nothing in it which could keep me married to him the only thing which could keep me married to him was him and he said he didn't trust himself not to fuck things up, after the rocky start we had I can understand where he was coming from, he told me if there were no deal breakers to just sign it for him...so I did" she says. She looks at me with such love in her eyes my breath catches and I grip her hand tightly.

"I see" Dr Travis says, "So do you still think Eva will leave you?"

I pause before I answer, "I have seen Eva do things for me which I thought unthinkable, she has laid herself bare in front of the media, she has confronted my family and others who have tried to hurt me, she fights for me like a pit bull and because of that I know she loves me, but I am afraid that one day I will do something to drive her away, it won't be Eva it will be me who ruins what we have, which is why I am here, to try and make myself a better man, and a better husband for her – the husband she deserves, so she will never feel the need to run from me".

I look at Eva and run my fingers down her cheek, she leans into my touch and smiles at me. How did I get so lucky to find this woman?

"I can see how much you two are in love and I don't think there is going to be any problems any time soon" Dr Travis says with a smile. "Now, can we return to Dr Lucas, can you tell me about that in more detail, what happened when he told your mother there was no proof of your abuse".

I frown, and shiver at the memory of that day, my mother in tears calling me a liar and how ashamed she was of me, I take a deep breath and begin to talk, and as I do so the pictures of that time creep into my mind.


	9. Chapter 9

CHAPTER 8

I am sitting in an outer office waiting for my mother, she is in with the doctor getting the test results, I am quite excited, and this will be the proof I need to get that man away from me for ever. I see the door open and my mother comes out, she is crying and the doctor has his arm around her shoulders.

"Come along Gideon" she says sharply

I stand up, I am confused, something isn't right, what's going on? I follow her to the car and climb in she doesn't look at me. I'm scared now, what's going on?

"Mom?" I ask tentatively

She whips her head around and looks at me, "How could you Gideon?"

"What?" I ask

"Lie about such a terrible thing?" she spits

"But..." I start

A cold chill goes through me, oh my god, what is this, surely the tests proved there was damage, I bled for gods sake.

"I don't understand?" I say

"The doctor said there was no physical evidence of abuse Gideon, he suggested you made the whole thing up, possibly for attention, that is sick Gideon, how could you do such a thing, make things up about an innocent man, don't you realise what that could have done to him?"

"No, it can't be right, there must be some mistake, it happened, I bled, he hurt me" tears are pouring down my cheeks but my mother turns away from me.

"Stop it Gideon, just stop it now, I'm not listening to any more of your lies".

The rest of the journey home is in silence and when we arrive back I go to my room and throw myself on my bed and cry. A while later Chris comes in he is looking at me as if I am dirt.

"Gideon, whatever possessed you to make up such things, do you realise what this has done to your mother, I know you have had a hard time with your father dying and we didn't handle things perhaps as well as we could have but this, you are mentally unstable Gideon, you have to be to make up something like this". He turns on his heel and leaves.

I am devastated, my family hate me, they don't want me any more, this is what he said would happen he said nobody would believe me and it would destroy my mother and that is exactly what has happened. But what I don't understand is why the doctor lied, because he must have done, there has to be some evidence there, there just has to.

"When did you find out who the doctor was and why he lied?" Dr Travis' voice draws me back to the here and now, Eva is gripping my hand and she looks horrified, I am guessing she is remembering when she told her mother of the times Nathan raped her and how her mother believed her and stood by her.

"It stayed with me, the question why he lied, because that is the only conclusion I could come to. I went through university and started my company, I hired a private detective to look into Dr Lucas and that was when i found out his wife was Hugh's sister, and it all seemed to fit, I confronted him and he never admitted it but he said I would never be able to prove it as he had had the original report destroyed, so in a way he did admit it, I told him I would get my revenge one day on him and he laughed at me, he said he looked forward to it, the first building I bought was the building he had his office in, to keep an eye on what business he was doing and how well he was doing. Then as I say I fucked his wife". My mind goes back to the night of the charity gala...

God I am so bored, I am losing the will to live here, if this wasn't such a worthwhile cause I would have bailed long ago, the woman to my left has been trying to catch my attention and make conversation all night. Oh well I might as well speak to her relieve the boredom somehow, I turn and smile at her and I see her physically glow in response, she holds out her hand to me.

"Mr Cross, I'm Anne Lucas, thank you for supporting such a worthwhile cause".

Lucas? I wonder...is she related to Terry Lucas...hmmm if so this could be interesting. I take her offered hand and place a small kiss on it. She almost melts in front of me.

"Tell me, are you related to Dr Terrance Lucas?" I ask her.

She nods, "Yes he's my husband" she says.

Bingo! Oh this evening just got interesting.

"Mrs Lucas, I can't help but notice you are here alone, I would never allow such a beautiful woman to attend events unescorted, you never know who could approach you". I smile and she laughs, she thinks I am joking, but I am quite serious.

"I'm afraid my husband is at the hospital, he is a paediatrician" she says

I know he's a paediatrician; he's also a fucking liar.

"Really? Tell me what do you do Mrs Lucas?" I ask

"Please, call me Anne, I am a shrink, all my family work in the mental health field, my late brother was a therapist, as were my parents".

I stiffen at the mention of her brother, I know all too well about his therapy, thankfully she doesn't notice.

"You say late brother?" I ask I need to know what his family know about his suicide.

She looks sad, "Yes, Hugh was always such a troubled soul, and he took his own life, it was unexpected, he was doing so well. He had got his life back on track and was preparing to start his own practice, he was helping other people but eventually he couldn't help himself". I feel anger rising but I use my legendary self control to quell it, help! He didn't help people he abused them.

I hope I show a sympathetic expression, "I see" I say it's all I can force out. I give her what I am hoping is a sympathetic touch on her arm and again she responds, hmmm is her marriage a little rocky could I exploit this, I can feel a plan forming I could fuck her, any man would surely be devastated to know his wife had turned to another man for sex, it would drive a wedge between them and alienate him, like he alienated me. Showtime Gideon, turn on the charm.

I turn to Dr Travis, "By the end of that first meeting I had her eating out of my hand, she was practically begging for it, so I obliged her" I look at Eva she is sitting looking at me and I feel bad talking about this in front of my wife, talking about the type of man I was.

"Gideon, does it bother you talking about this time in your life in front of Eva?" Dr Travis asks

I nod, "yes it does, I'm scared she will think badly of me and realise what she married and want to leave me" I put my head down and immediately Eva reaches towards me.

"Baby, stop it, there is nothing you have done which will make me want to leave you, this is your past – just like I have a past that I am not proud of" she says, I pull her towards me and kiss her on the forehead.

"Gideon, what upsets you most about your past?" Dr Travis asks.

I stare at him, how the fuck do I answer that? I think carefully going through how I conducted my life prior to Eva.

"The fact I just took what I wanted, I used people, not just women, but anyone, I took what I wanted and what I needed and then dropped them, I had my life compartmentalised my friends, my family, and my sexual partners. I took what I wanted from all of them, I never let my friends get close I called them friends but they were more acquaintances really people I spent time with just so I wasn't alone. I had a hotel room where I took all my sexual partners to, it was the only place I had consensual sex, but I took women there I didn't always have sex in fact it was the exception when I did, I used women to just shut down my mind and have some company while I did it".

I put my head down, Eva shuffles closer, I know she understands what I am saying she did exactly the same thing, but it doesn't make me feel any better about myself.

"Thank you for sharing that with us Gideon, how are you feeling now you have talked about it?" Dr Travis asks

I look up, "I realise what a shitty person I was to people" I mutter, immediately Eva protests and grips my arm.

"No Gideon, you were hurting, you were trying to self medicate that pain you had you didn't trust health professionals to help you after your experiences and you were struggling, I won't have you talking about yourself like this" my head whips round to hers, she is using the very words I said to her – I won't have you talking about yourself like this, this resonates with me, and I realise how damaged I am, but for some reason it also makes me feel better.

Dr Travis looks at me, "I think we need to examine your feelings about this time in your life in more depth Gideon, perhaps when you have your own therapy sessions?"

I nod I am eager to get off this subject.

"Tell me Gideon, you were engaged for a while, what can you tell me about that relationship?"

I see Eva stiffen visibly at the mention of my relationship with Corrine. She is the only person besides Eva who I have had a more in depth relationship with, although what I have with Eva is a million times more that what I ever had with Corrine.

I sigh, "Corrine loved me, but she didn't know me, she never saw me, she only saw the public me, I slept with her, but I never spent the night with her, I didn't want her to see my nightmares it never occurred to me to let her in like I let Eva in, when she asked me to marry her, I stupidly said yes and immediately regretted it, I started pushing her away from that point onwards, I was terrified and I was so relieved when she met Giroux and broke off our engagement and went off to France with him. It appears she did it to try and make me jealous but I saw it as an escape, which unfortunately caused further complications which happened recently, when she returned to the states". I stop and glance at Eva she looks uncomfortable she hates Corrine and I don't blame her, she took our daughter, yes she was sick but what she did was unforgivable.

I turn towards Dr Travis," I don't really have any more to say about Corrine she is my past and a mistake I made, admittedly a huge mistake and the repercussions of that mistake I will have to live with, she repeatedly hurt my wife in her desperate attempts to get me back and for that alone I don't want anything to do with her, but I have culpability in the events which happened as a result".

Dr Travis nods I think he realises I a closing down this topic I have come to terms with Corrine and there is nothing more to say on the matter.

"Gideon why don't you talk about when you met Eva, how you first met and what attracted you to her".

I smile widely, now this is a subject I don't mind thinking about and talking about, she is the love of my life. I reach for her and she responds to me, I feel myself getting hard, shit control yourself, I can't help it though, when I think of Eva I always have the same reaction, I get hard.


	10. Chapter 10

CHAPTER 9

"I take it this is a pleasant topic of conversation?" Dr Travis says.

"Oh yes" I reply, "My favourite, I could talk about Eva all day long" I say, I look over at her and she gazes at me lovingly.

"So tell me Gideon, how did you meet Eva and what was your first reaction to her?" Dr Travis asks.

"She floored me, as soon as I laid eyes on her I knew I had to have her, she called to me on some level I had never experienced before, and the fact she didn't fawn all over me, I had to work for it, she said no to me, do you realise how few people say no to me, well it turned me on" I am talking to Dr Travis but I grin wickedly at Eva

"So you could say you pursued her because she was a challenge to you?" Dr Travis says

I think about that, "Erm.. yes I suppose so, when you hold the position I have you get used to people saying yes all the time, but Eva said no, and that was appealing to me, I couldn't just click my fingers and expect her to fall at my feet, although that is exactly what she did do when we first met" I grin again and Eva laughs.

"Thank you for reminding me" she says.

Dr Travis looks at us and smiles, "Is this a private joke?" he asks.

"No not at all, I will explain" I say, my mind goes back to that first day I laid on the person who was to turn my life upside down and make me a better man...

I am in my Bentley, about to leave for a meeting, when I see the most beautiful woman, she is standing right next to the Bentley her head back looking up at the Crossfire, I am immediately hard, shit what's wrong with me? I watch her carefully, my mind starts playing out all sorts of delicious fantasies of her kneeling at my feet staring up at me like that. For fucks sake Gideon pull yourself together, then I see her look at her watch and walk inside, and I hear myself telling Angus to wait a moment.

"Just hang on one minute" I say as I climb out of the car, I need to know who that woman is, why has she gone into the Crossfire? The Crossfire, the building I own and the building which my company occupies. I walk in and I stop dead, there she is crouching on the floor helping a woman pick up change, I smile as I go and stand in front of her, letting my fantasies bombard my mind. I don't move and she looks up at me, and I feel myself sink down to her level, what the hell am I doing? Shit she is gorgeous, those eyes a stormy grey, she is staring at me, I suddenly feel she is looking right inside me, she can see past the mask I wear and can see the real me, it unnerves me but also arouses me, I want this woman. Wait she looks afraid she moves backwards and she looses her balance, Her elbows hit the marble floor, ouch that must have hurt, but she is still staring at me, I see fear but I also see attraction there . I help her to her feet and the shock that courses through me is breathtaking, we haven't said a word to each other yet I feel as though I know her intimately, I have never felt such a connection to another human being before, I need to know who she is and why she is here. I spot an ID which she dropped when she fell.

"Are you alright?" I ask her,

She licks her lips and I am nearly unmanned there and then on the spot, "I'm fine" she answers. Her look is scorching my very soul, I force myself to look away from her and I crouch again to pick up her ID, and I read the name Eva Tramell, Waters, Field & Leaman, I see. Miss Tramell works for the advertising company a couple of floors below Cross Industries. This is useful information; i use them from time to time. I look up at her and I see she looks unnerved by this, I rise up keeping my gaze on her.

"Are you sure you are alright? You should sit down for a minute?

She blushes at me and I just want to take her right now, right here. "I'm fine, she says again, "I just lost my balance. I'm ok".

We are interrupted by the stupid woman who dropped her money, she comes to me and thanks me, I try to ignore her, I see Eva walk forward and dump the change in the woman's purse before turning to me and talking over her.

"May I have my badge please?" she says. She knows there is a connection between us she can feel it as much as I can but she is afraid, afraid to admit it? She tries to take her badge without touching me, but I deliberately let my fingers brush hers, I see the look on her face, yes she does feel it.

"Thank you" she says and then she turns and is gone.

I follow her out and see her checking her reflection in the Bentley's window I pause to give her time to get way and then I leave the Crossfire and climb into the Bentley, I head to the meeting. I look at my watch I am late and I am never late but it was worth it.

I spend the afternoon thinking about Eva Tramell, I can't concentrate, I need to know more about Miss Tramell, and I have to see her again, I start to plan. The seeds of a plan come together at the Kingsman Vodka meeting which I was nearly 20 minutes late arriving at. I have just recently acquired this company and we are talking about how to market it.

"There is an advertising company I use in the Crossfire, I will arrange a meeting" I say firmly.

Everyone stares at me, and then nods in agreement.

I quickly put together a plan, but I need more information. While I am in the meeting I have been doing a little digging on Miss Tramell, I have my laptop open in front of me and I have already discovered she lives in one of my apartment buildings, she is the step daughter of Richard Stanton, which is interesting, the blue eyed boy of the investment market he has a reputation for the Midas touch, I have always admired him. She has recently moved here from South California, she went to university there and lived with her father, a Victor Reyes - a street cop, that again is another interesting fact, how the hell did a street cop from SoCal get involved with Monica Stanton socialite and renowned gold digging trophy wife? But then there is the bad news Miss Tramell lives with a man, I am shocked by the surge of jealousy which shoots through me at this, I have to know who is standing in my way. I know she works for a Mark Garrity a junior executive but gifted in advertising and he has recently been promoted and given his own assistant, namely Eva, so I have to make sure it is Garrity I get for this campaign. I have everything planned in my head I will get Miss Tramell and I will have her.

The next day I start to put my plan into action I am watching the security feeds hoping to get a glimpse of Miss Tramell, I missed her arrival this morning, but I'll be dammed if she slips through my fingers again.

Then I see her, she is heading towards the elevator, I rush out and leap into the nearest elevator car and plug my key in, this car will be the one which Miss Tramell uses I will make sure of it. I cruise down to the 20th floor and take out my key, the elevator stops and the doors open and there she is, she is texting and glances up I hear her breath catch and she stands frozen to the spot. Yes that is exactly how she makes me feel. The doors are closing, shit.

I step forward and press the button, "There is plenty of room for both of us Eva" I say.

"Thank you" she mutters and steps inside. I feel the pull towards her, and it is taking all my self control not to leap on her now.

"Enjoy your first day?" I ask mildly

"Yes actually" she says, "how was yours?"

I spent most of it thinking about you and how I am going to get you beneath me. I think to myself

"Well it wasn't my first" I say with a smile, "But it was successful and getting better as it progresses" I stare at her, I have never wanted anything as much as I want this woman. I need to touch her, but she is deliberately staying away from me.

As we reach the twelfth floor more people enter the elevator, this is my chance, as Eva steps back I side step and I am right next to her, I lift my hands up to adjust my tie and my arm brushes hers I know she feels the pull but she is fighting it.

When we arrive at the lobby, she goes to step out and I place my hand on her back and the feeling is indescribable I feel the connection between us, its nothing like I have ever felt before, I feel suddenly nervous what do I say to her, I move my hand and she looks up at me. Then just as quickly she looks away, her attention taken by someone calling out to her.

"Eva!" her head whips around and she smiles widely and moves towards him, I am once again filled with an insane jealousy and I want to drag him off her, he has his arm around her, I see the way they look at each other and it shreds me, he must be a boyfriend or something. I feel suddenly very vulnerable I have all these alien feelings coursing through me, i want to pull him off her and drag her into the Bentley, but the rational side of me is telling me to leave it alone, she is obviously happy with him, why on earth would she want me? I once again call on my self control and stride past them and climb into the waiting Bentley.


	11. Chapter 11

CHAPTER 10

I am eagerly awaiting the meeting with Garrity, I am hoping he brings Eva with him, if he doesn't then I will have to escort him back to his office. I am sitting in the meeting room, the two women with me are annoying me they are fawning over me and begging for my attention, but I only have one woman on my mind at this moment and that is the woman who has been on my mind since I first saw her the other day.

Moments later we are informed that the party from WF&L have arrived, party? Does this mean Eva is with him, I am desperate to see her, and as I think this the door opens and there she is, a bright smile fixed to her lips which freezes when she sees me. She stops dead and Garrity ploughs into her, clumsy oaf.

She falls forward and I grab her around the waist and hoist her against me, shit! I take in a sharp breath at the feel of her and pray she can't feel my instant erection.

She looks embarrassed, I smile "Hello again" I murmur to her, "Always a pleasure running into you, Eva".

She blushes which makes my cock ache even more, she looks at me and at this moment nobody else is in the room, it is just me and her, I try and pull myself together, and bring my wayward thoughts under control. I restrain myself from caressing her face and running my hand through her hair.

"Mr Cross sorry about the entrance" Mark Garrity is beside us offering his hand.

"Don't be, it was a memorable one" I say my eyes still on Eva I set her down and she wobbles, and when Garrity puts his hand out to steady her I want to rip it off. Get your fucking paws off her, I stare at his hand until he removes it.

"Right ok then, this is my assistant Eva Tramell" Garrity says

"We've met" I say I pull out a chair next to me, "Eva" I say gesturing to it. I am irritated when she hesitates looking towards Garrity for guidance, hey I'm telling you to sit here, I want you here now.

"Sit Eva" I say and she has responded before Garrity nods his consent. That's more like it.

I have to say I am quite impressed by Garrity he knows he stuff, he handled my questioning well and wasn't easily intimidated.

"Well done Mr Garrity" I say, "I look forward to going over the RFP when the time comes". Right now it's your turn Miss Tramell I want to see how intelligent you are and how you respond to my questioning, I turn to her, "What would entice you to try Kingsman Eva?" I ask

She looks like a deer caught in the headlights she wasn't expecting this, "Excuse me?" she stammers

"Which of Mark's suggested concepts do you prefer?" I ask

I can see her composing herself she is affected by me and trying to keep it professional.

"I think they're all brilliant" she says

Oh please! Come on Eva that's not an answer, you can do better than that. "I'll clear the room to get your honest opinion, it that's what it takes" I say.

I see heat rising in her eyes and she curls her fingers around the armrests, hmm which way is this going to go?

She looks me in the eye, "I just gave you my honest opinion Mr Cross, but if you must know, I think luxury on a budget will appeal to the largest demographic, but I lack...". I hear the distinct edge in her voice. Wow feisty and intelligent as well as breathtakingly beautiful. She is right on my wavelength too, that is exactly the concept I was thinking would be most successful; I have to have this woman. I interrupt her before she manages to finish.

"I agree" I say and stand up buttoning my jacket, "you have a direction Garrity we'll revisit next week".

I escort them to the elevator, I need to speak to her alone, "A moment Eva" I reach out and grasp her elbow, "She'll be right down" I say to Garrity who is staring at me.

When they have gone, I face her; I need to know who that man is to her, "Are you sleeping with anyone?" I ask, she stares at me as if I have two heads, ok so perhaps it was a bit direct but I need to know who stands in my way.

"Why is that any business of yours?" she asks me, I have clearly offended her, I stare at her and once again she looks afraid and takes a step back from me.

"Because I want to fuck you, Eva. I need to know what standing in my way, if anything" Crap did I just say that out loud? I see Eva reaching for a wall, I put my hand out to steady her and she raises her hand.

"Maybe I'm just not interested, Mr Cross" she says firmly

I can see fear again but I also see I am affecting her and she is attracted to me and I smile. The elevator appears and she steps in as she turns to face me I smile at her.

"Until next time Eva" I say and watch the doors close.

"So you could say you pursued Eva pretty comprehensively?" Dr Travis says.

I nod, "Yes I did, I realise now that I was in love with her, I had never believed in love at first sight, thinking it was just a figment of romance and fiction, but Eva had a profound effect on me from the moment I first laid eyes on her and I can only put that down to love" I stare at my wife and she grips my hand.

Dr Travis looks at Eva, "Did you feel a similar attraction to Gideon, Eva?" Dr Travis asks

Eva nods, "yes I did, I tried to fight it but it was useless I was so attracted to him".

"Eva, with your past were you afraid at all by Gideon's aggressive pursuit of you?" Dr Travis asks, I immediately put my head down, as I remember the night Eva told me about her past, I was horrified that I could have driven her away with my single minded quest of her, and my methods of trying to capture her.

Eva looks at me she can see my discomfort at this question, "I was a little overwhelmed by the attention from Gideon, but I had this feeling about him, this feeling that he would never hurt me, and I trusted my instincts and gut feelings" I smile at her answer, but my mind has returned to that night, when she told me of her past.

My mind goes back to that evening...

It had been a shitty day, I had had a very public argument with Eva at the Bryant Park Grill, I had totally over reacted to her response to pap pictures of myself and Maggie and I had thrown her relationship with Cary at her, she had told me he was pulling for me, which has shocked me and made me realise how wrong I had got their relationship, I had behaved like child, and my behaviour almost lost me Eva, I had embarrassed her in front of her boss which I regretted, that was unforgivable and tried to dominate her, and ended up making her cry.

I am sitting with her now in the Bentley and we are heading back to the Penthouse, she is very quiet and hasn't said a word, shit what is she going to tell me? I keep going over what she has said so far, that we have to be private or call it off. I try to calm my over active imagination and give her space. When we arrive I show the dress I bought her and the black robe, I try to reassure her that we will go at her pace, and when she is ready to talk I will listen.

While she is taking a shower, I go and arrange some candles and make up a fire, I have put a bottle of wine on ice, I want to create an atmosphere of calm, I am hoping she will like it, but I am so out of my depth here, I have no idea what women want. I look up and see her in the doorway wearing the robe I bought her, I feel my cock twitch and I struggle to maintain my composure.

"Excuse me" she says, "I am looking for Gideon Cross the man who doesn't have romance in his repertoire".

My face breaks into a smile she likes it, this makes me so happy and relieved.

"I don't think about it that way, I just try to guess what might please you and then I give it a shot and hope for the best" I say with shrug trying to sound nonchalant.

She walks towards me, "You please me" she says staring at me.

I feel my breath catch at those words, I please her, I can't believe this, "I want to" I say, "I'm working on it" I need her to know I will do anything for her, I am totally falling in love with this woman and its all new and totally uncharted waters for me. I watch her carefully as she stops in front of me, she touches me running her hands down my arms and then she steps into me and presses her face into my chest, something is wrong she is on edge and worried.

"Hey" I say as I wrap my arms around her, "Is this about me being an ass at lunch?" I look down at her, "Or whatever it is you need to say to me, talk to me Eva so I can tell you it'll be okay".

She nuzzles against me, "You'd better sit down, I have to tell you things about me, ugly things" she looks terrified, what the hell is she going to say? I let her go and sit down, I am holding my wine and she has my undivided attention, I stare at her, she looks like she is going to cry, I desperately want to hold her but something tells me not to, I wait.

"Okay, here goes" she says, she takes a deep breath, she tells me about her past how her mother and father never married, and how her mother chose to keep Eva going against her family's wishes. She tells me of her mother's marriage to a widower with a son. Then she stops.

"I understand the need for money Eva, I have to have it too, I need the power of it, the security" I say when she pauses, I can see this is hard for her and say this so she doesn't think I see her mother as a calculating shallow gold digger.

She looks down at her hands, this is it I hold my breath but could prepare me for what she says next.

"I was ten the first time my stepbrother raped me".

What!? the anger I immediately feel towards the man who did that to her consumes me, I grip my glass so hard it snaps in my hand, I quickly grab it. She is standing and looking concerned, damn it this must be so hard for her and I have just shit all over it.

"Did you cut yourself, are you okay?" she asks concern evident in her face.

"I'm fine" I snap and I disappear to the kitchen. Shit shit shit, this beautiful woman has been violated just like me, a myriad of emotions flood me, anger at the animal who did this to her, concern for her, disgust at myself for making this about me and my issues, she needs me to support her and what have I done, walked away from her, I pour myself a glass of bourbon and throw it straight back and then I pour another, I could have ruined any chance I had with this woman the way I came on to her, I feel sickened by my method of pursuit, I understand now the look of fear I saw in her eyes the first time I met her and the way she stepped away from me, she was afraid, and I bulldozed ahead and failed to take into account the possible reasons behind that fear, just wanting in my usual self centred way. I realise and understand her reasons behind her adamant request that sex had to mean something, and not just be an emotionless transaction, god I could have fucked this up completely with my selfish attitude. I return to the sitting room. She is standing staring at me with concern, I can't believe it she has just told me that she was raped at 10 years old and she is worried about me.

"Sit down Eva" I say. Shit, she'll think I am angry with her, "sit down...please" I say more gently. I try and pull myself together I stand and toss back my bourbon.

"You said the first time, how many times were there?" I ask

"I don't know I lost count" she says sadly, I go cold, oh my god this poor woman she was a child and had her innocence torn away from her.

"Did you tell anyone, did you tell your mother?" I ask I hold my breath praying she told someone and that they believed her.

"No, my god if she had known she would have gotten me out of there, but Nathan made sure I was too afraid to tell her" she says, I can see this is so hard for her, the memories of that time its painful to watch, she starts to speak again.

"There was a time when it got so bad I almost told her anyway but he knew, Nathan could tell I was close so her broke my cat's neck and left her on my bed".

I am fighting to keep my anger under control, I have to find this animal and make him pay for what he did to this woman, he will pay I will kill him. I am breathing heavily, he was insane.

"Jesus Christ" I mutter "He wasn't just fucked up he was insane, and he was touching you...Eva" my feelings towards this woman have increased tenfold, I have the overwhelming desire to protect her and love her and cherish her, nobody will ever hurt her again, I will treat her like a queen. She is continuing to talk about what it was like and I drag my mind back to listen.

"How did you get out? When did it end?" I ask hoarsly

She looks at me and the pain in her eyes shreds me.

"When I was fourteen I thought I was having a period but there was too much blood" she says

I know what she is going to say. Shit that fucker made her pregnant, she was child herself and he planted his seed in her and made her fucking pregnant, not only did she endure the horror of rape – repeatedly but then had to go through a miscarriage.

"My mother panicked and took me to the emergency room, I'd had a miscarriage, in the course of the exam they found evidence of ...other trauma, vaginal and anal scarring"

I set my glass down, anal scarring he raped her ass, she had been comprehensively violated, my thoughts are overwhelming me.

She is staring at me, "I'm sorry" she says, "I'd spare you the details but you need to know what someone might dig up, the hospital reported the abuse to child services, its all a matter of public record, which has been sealed but there are people who know the story . When my mom married Stanton he went back and tightened those seals and paid out in return for non disclosure agreements ...stuff like that. But you have a right to know that this stuff could come out and embarrass you".

Embarrass me? Shit she is more concerned about me again, concerned about me and my reputation, Angel I have the worst reputation, she can't be serious? I feel a surge of protective anger towards this woman.

"Embarrass me" I snap, "Embarrassment isn't on the list of what I'd feel" I am overwhelmed by my anger the latent feelings I have buried for years from my own experiences mixed with what Eva has just told me is consuming me. I realise in this moment that I love this woman and I will protect her and avenge what happened to her.

"Gideon" she says quietly.

I am vibrating with fury, "I would destroy the career of any reported who wrote about this and then i would dismantle the publication that ran the story, I am going to find this monster who hurt you Eva, wherever he is, and I am going to make him wish he were dead". I stop that animal will pay for what he has done, he will never hurt anyone again.

Eva has moved towards me, and she touches me. "he's not worth the effort, not worth your time" she says gently

"You are, you're worth it. Damn it. Goddamn it to hell" I say.

She tells me about the money trail, that could lead reporters to the truth, she tells me that she was awarded five million dollars, is that all? No amount of money could compensate for what she endured but is that all, seriously? She continues to speak saying that it could me more now as Stanton was managing it, I catch the end of what she says.

"..if you ever had any concerns I wanted your money..." she says quietly.

"What?! The thought had never crossed my mind, once again she is thinking of me" she is looking at me now she seems to be trying to figure something out, she sighs and tightens the belt on her robe.

"I'm going to get dressed and go" she says sadly.


	12. Chapter 12

CHAPTER 11

"What? Go where?" I say, she can't leave, why does she want to go? I want to hold her and tell her I will take care of her.

"Home" she says she sounds tired as though it has taken everything out of her, "I think you need to digest all this" she adds.

"We can do that together" I say firmly as I fold my arms.

"I don't think we can, not while you are looking at me as though you feel sorry for me" Her words have hit like a punch in the gut, what is she saying?

"I'm not made of fucking stone Eva, I wouldn't be human if I didn't care" I say, and I understand Angel I understand only too well what you have told me. I step carefully towards her.

"I don't want your goddamn pity" she spits at me.

I am confused, I don't know what to do, I run both hands through my hair, I want to just hold her and tell her everything will be ok. "What the hell do you want then?" I ask

Tears are forming in her eyes, "You, I want you" she says

She has me, she fucking owns me, "You have me, how many times do I have to tell you that?" I say. What the hell is going through her head?

"Your words don't mean shit when you can't back them up, From the moment we met you have been hot for me. You haven't been able to look at me without making it damn clear you want to fuck my brains out...and that's gone Gideon, that look ...its gone".

What the fuck, she wants sex?! I am so out of my depth here, "You can't be serious" I say, I need her to explain this.

"I don't think you know how your desire makes me feel" she says, she is bearing her soul to me, she has her arms wrapped around herself in preservation, tears are falling now, I stand rooted to the spot and I listen to what she is telling me. "It makes me feel beautiful; it makes me feel strong and alive. I can't bear to be with you if you don't feel that way about me anymore".

Christ Angel I do, I just have no idea how to handle this, "Eva...I" I stop I have no idea what to do.

She loosens the sash on the robe, "Look at me Gideon, look at my body, it's the same one you couldn't get enough of last night, the same one you were so desperate to get into that you took me to that damn hotel room. If you don't want this anymore...if you don't get hard looking at it".

As soon as she released the robe I was so hard it hurt, and I realise I need to show her, show her how she makes me feel, I rip my pants down snapping the drawstring. "Is this hard enough for you?" I say.

We lunge towards each other, all the emotions from tonight are flowing through me and I loose every last scrap of self control and I take her, I am rough and I am impatient and I take her, I feel her she isn't totally ready for me but I can't stop and I hear her gasp, but I can't stop I keep thrusting hard.

"Fuck me Gideon, fuck me hard" she says

"Eva" I whisper, as I thrust I mutter what is in my mind - that she is mine. "Mine...mine...mine" I grunt with every thrust, until I feel my release. Sanity returns, Shit what have I done? I pull her up into my arms and she is crying.

"I am always hard for you, always hot for you. I'm always half crazy with wanting you. If anything could change that, I would've done it before we got this far. Understand?"

I am watching her reaction, "Yes" she says.

I am so ashamed right now, I took her and selfishly lost control, I know I must have hurt her, I need her to tell me she still wants me after I behaved like an animal with her.

"Now show me that you still want me after that" I say "I need to know that losing control doesn't mean I've lost you?" I'm terrified here, I have behaved so badly I just took, but she says nothing she takes my hands and places them on her breast and splays her hands on my shoulders and rocks her hips, I go from semi hard to rock instantly and I know everything is going to be ok.

"So you have always had the trust that Gideon would never harm you?" Dr Travis says.

I look at Eva and she nods firmly.

"But I have hurt you Eva" I mutter, I turn to Dr Travis, "my nightmares, I tried to rape her when I was asleep, Cary pulled me off her once, she was destroyed, curled up in the corner in the foetal position sobbing and rocking and I did that to her" I say.

Eva immediately moves towards me and wraps her arms around me, "No Gideon, you were asleep you didn't know you were doing it, it wasn't you, you would never have done anything like that if you were awake" she looks at me with such love I feel my heart wrench and I return the hug she is giving me.

"Dr Petersen prescribed medication to take, which I still take to this day" I stop, "But to be safe we sleep apart, I have to keep her safe...from me" I say.

Dr Travis nods but doesn't say anything. I watch him tapping on his tablet, and then he lifts his head up. "Shall we leave it there for this evening?" I look at my watch and see how the time as flown past and I look at Eva, I have dominated this session when it was supposed to be our couples therapy.

"Do you want to talk about anything Angel?" I ask

Eva smiles and shakes her head, "No baby, I just want you whole and healed and I am happy you are finally talking and getting it all out" she says.

Dr Travis makes another appointment for me and then another joint one for us for the following week, as i stand and shake his hand I reach for Eva with my other hand, she immediately takes it and I feel that shock surge through me. I stare at her, god I love this woman with all my heart.

"Let's get home to our daughter" I say.

The next day I am sitting in my office, I am going over what was talked about last night, I think of Eva's words that she is happy I am finally seeking help and talking about my past. If I hadn't met Eva I would never have even thought about talking things through, she has changed my life beyond all recognition, I am ...happy, I am in love with a wonderful woman, I think about the fact that I Gideon Cross - I am someone's husband and most incredible of all I am someone's father, I am a father to a beautiful baby girl, who would have thought that sort of life was possible for me. I look at the pictures on my desk, the one which Eva gave me shortly after we met, and I look at the ring with the black diamonds she bought me the day she told me she loved me for the first time, I wear that ring on my right hand, on my left is the ring with the red rubies she bought me when we came back from the Caribbean I wear this as my wedding ring.

I will never forget that day, the day Eva told me she loved me for the first time, I touch the ring, and remember the events of that day, we were still fairly unsure of each other, we had been draining each other with our issues and it had been pretty volatile, but that day, I remember it so well, that day at that point in my life stands out as the best in my life, because that is the day my angel told me that she loved me...

We had woken and she had dressed me, it was something different, we normally tore the clothes off each other, but here she was helping dress for work, I know she loves to see me in my suits, and she buttons up my shirt, I tucking it in my pants and she fastens my fly, while I knot my tie. I slip on my vest and the feel of her hands smoothing my vest over my shoulders and chest stirs something inside me, she touches me like she worships me and I love it, she sees a side of me nobody else sees because I didn't know I had that side myself until she brought it out.

We are riding to the Crossfire in the back of the Bentley she is at my side leaning on me and I have my arm around her tightly just soaking the feel of her against me. We are discussing what is happening tonight, she is excited about starting her Krav Maga classes, I am getting hard just thinking about her going through drills, I tell her so and she laughs.

"Did we already establish that everything makes you hard?" she teases as she nudges me.

"Everything about you" I say sincerely as I squeeze her, "which is lucky for us since you're insatiable. Text me when you are done and I'll meet you at your place" I add teasingly.

I watch as she rummages for her phone, as she checks it, she opens a message and starts to watch something I look over her shoulder and see a video playing.

"What is it?" I ask.

I see my brother and Maggie talking, I stiffen as I watch, I know what he is going to do, I feel sick, not Maggie, I thought she'd be safe from him, he knows she is just a friend. I feel Eva tighten her grip on me, suddenly the phone dies, I feel Eva trembling.

"Yuck" she says as she snuggles closer to me, "Majorly creepy, I feel bad for her".

I let out a deep breath I didn't realise I was holding, "That's Christopher" I say sadly

"Asshole" Eva says angrily, "that smug look on his face, ugh" she shivers and I press my lips to her hair and start to speak.

"I thought Maggie would be safe from him. Our mothers have known each other for years. I forget how much he hates me".

"Why?" she asks me

I think about the extreme sibling rivalry and jealousy, "he thinks I got all the attention when we were younger, because everyone was worried about how I was handling my father's suicide. So he wants what's mine, everything he can get his hands on". I worry so much he will try to take Eva from me, at least now she knows what he is like, she has seen it with her own eyes. I can't thank Cary enough for taking that video, and I realise how much he cares about Eva.

Eva turns to me and holds me tightly. I feel her against me and I feel a surge of love towards her, I love this woman, but love just isn't adequate enough to express the profound feelings I have.

"Gideon?" she says quietly

"Hmmm?" I murmur

She reaches up and touches me, "I love you" she says quietly

I can't help it I shiver, I don't say a word and I think she believes she has scared me.

"I don't mean to freak you out, you don't have to do anything about it. I just didn't want another minute to go by without you knowing how I feel. You can tuck it away now".

I hold her tightly to me, I am never letting this woman go, I love her too so much, but I am rendered speechless by her words, I just hold her hoping she can feel my love for her. I feel different, just those three little words have done something to me, I have had so many women tell me I love you over the years and I have swept the words away, but this...this is different, Eva loves me, despite the fact she has seen me at my worst, at night when my demons consume me, but despite that she loves me, it means everything to me to know that and I just wish I could tell her how I feel about her.

I am practically walking on air all morning, my staff are looking at me as though they are wondering what has happened to me. I don't care, Eva loves me!

I am busy on a conference call when there is a knock at my door, I glance at my watch, its 10am, my next appointment isn't due until 10:15, I frown wondering what the interruption is.

"Wait a moment" I tell the people I am talking to at the end of the phone line, "Come" I snap.

I see Scott enter with an arrangement of long stemmed red roses, what the fuck? He places them on the desk in front of me and shrugs, he is as bemused as I am, I take the card and open it.

_In celebration of red dresses and limo rides_

Eva! Eva has sent them, to surprise me, my face breaks into a huge smile at her thoughtfulness, Scott stares at me I don't think he has ever seen me smile.

"Thank you Scott" I say and he leaves, "sorry about that interruption" I say, I finish up the conference and pull over a note card and quickly write a response to Eva.

_Lets do that again soon. _

I read the words and smile, i put it into an interoffice envelope and send it out to Scott.

"Scott, please make sure this is delivered immediately to Miss Eva Tramell at Waters Field and Leaman".

He nods and takes it from me without a word.

An hour later I am about to start a meeting when there is a knock at the door, "Come" I snap, Scott appears with another beautiful arrangement, Black and white lilies this time, I dive for the card and read it.

_In honour of black and white garden party dresses and being dragged into libraries_

I have to sit down as I have immediately turned to stone, and I really don't want my visitors seeing my erection straining my pants. I smile widely and I realise everyone is staring at me, I need to say something. I touch the card reverently.

"My girlfriend" I explain, I know I have a soppy grin on my face but I can't help it. "I quickly write my response place it in an envelope and hand it to Scott, without a word, he knows what to do.

"Right then gentlemen, to business" I say and turn my attention back to the men in front of me, but my erection reminds me where I would sooner be at this moment.

At midday I look at my watch and wait a moment wondering if Eva has anything else planned, but nothing happens, I can't help but feel slightly disappointed, but I look at the beautiful flowers around me and I read the cards once again, this has been the best day of my life...ever, someone loves me, my chest tightens at the thought that someone thinks I am worth loving.

I go to my lunch meeting, and when I return I go back to my office and settle in for the afternoon, I am packed solid this afternoon, apart from about 15 minutes later this afternoon, I check my schedule, its 2pm and I am waiting for my appointment to arrive. There is a knock on the door, I stand thinking they have arrived, but wonder why Scott hasn't called me through the intercom.

"Come" I call

The door opens and Scott walks in with yet another arrangement, I burst out laughing and Scott just stares at me in disbelief.

I take the Tiger Lily arrangement from him and read the card. I nearly combust there and then on the spot.

_In gratitude for all the jungle sex_

I write a response and hand it to Scott, as he leaves I shake my head, I touch the flowers and once again read the cards, before I slip them into my pocket. I adjust myself, I am feeling so uncomfortable I have never spent the entire day with a hard on like this before. My meeting goes well, my visitor's look in surprise at the array of flowers around my office, and then at me, yeah that's right I have flowers, my girlfriend sent them to me, because she loves me, I am loved!


	13. Chapter 13

CHAPTER 12

I decide to spend my free 15 minutes pulling the video Cary took on Eva's phone and copying it to my laptop. I need to show Maggie what Christopher was doing to her, I shake my head, that's not a conversation I want to have. I am just finishing as the door opens and there stands Eva staring at me, she looks nervous, I am delighted to see her, but the look on her face concerns me.

"Eva is something wrong?" I ask as I walk towards her.

"No...it's just...I have something for you" she says and places a box on my desk.

"More? Did I forget a special occasion?" I ask trying to lighten the atmosphere, I open the box and see an exquisite ring, platinum with black diamonds, it is beautiful and so...me. "Eva" I whisper.

"Too much?" she says looking at me.

I am overwhelmed and before I can stop it words come tumbling out of my mouth, "yes, too damn much, I can't sit still, I can't concentrate, I can't get you out of my head, I am fucking restless and I never am when I'm at work, I'm too busy but you have me under siege".

I look up at her and she looks shocked, "I'm sorry Gideon I wasn't thinking" she says

Oh god no Angel, I love it, you own me, you love me, that means more to me than anything, I think of what I have just said to her and realise she has misunderstood what I meant. I stride towards her and take her in my arms.

"Don't be sorry, today has been the best day of my life" I say sincerely.

"Really?" she asks, I slide the ring on my finger, "I wanted to please you. Does it fit, I had to guess?" she adds.

"Its perfect, you're perfect" I say I grab her hand and kiss the ring which I gave her and she kisses mine, I feel the surge of love course through me, its almost painful. "What you make me feel Eva...it hurts" I say wanting her to know what she does to me.

"Is that bad?" she asks

"It's wonderful" I reply, and I kiss her, I want to take her here and now, but I control myself, I notice the glass wall is still transparent. I was so distracted by her presence I forgot to frost it. I look up and see my staff staring in shock, with huge smiles on their faces, and i don't care, yeah this is my girlfriend and she loves me. I want to shout it from the rooftops, I need to hear her say it again.

"Tell me what you said in the car" I whisper to her.

"Hmm ...I don't know" she says, immediately fear jolts me, "You're ridiculously handsome, you know, its a sucker punch every time I see you. Anyway...i don't want to risk scaring you away" .

"You regret what you said don't you...all the flowers the ring"

"Do you really like it?" she asks "I don't want you to wear it if you hate it" she sounds so worried, she regrets telling me she loves me, she is having second thoughts, I can't blame her who would want to love me.

"it's perfect, its how you see me" I say, "I am proud to wear it" but I need to know, does she love me or is she really regretting saying it, I feel suddenly vulnerable because I love this woman with all my heart.

"If you are trying to soften the blow of taking back what you said..." I stop, she touches my face and looks straight into my eyes.

"I meant every word Gideon" she says and I relax

"I'll make you say it again" I say, "You'll scream it by the time I'm done with you" I am so hard I want to take her now this second.

"Get back to work fiend" she says backing away from me.

"I'll give you a lift home at five" I say as I watch her walk away, "I want your cunt naked and wet when you come down to the car, if you touch yourself to get there don't make yourself come or there will be consequences" I put my hand on my throbbing cock and for about the fiftieth time today adjust myself.

"Will you be hard and ready?" she asks

Oh Angel come here and see for yourself I have been hard and ready all day. "When am I not, with you" I say, "Thank you for today Eva, every minute of it" I add as she leaves, I watch as she blows me a kiss and then she is gone.

I pick up my phone and call Angus, "Angus I want the limo tonight waiting outside at 5pm" I say

"Yes sir" Angus replies, he knows why and I smile, anxiously wishing 5pm would hurry up and arrive.

My phone is ringing and I am brought from my memories back to the here and now, I glance at my watch, Eva will be here soon with Vicky for our lunch date, I pick up my phone.

"Cross" I say sharply

"Gideon?" I freeze at the voice coming to me.

"What do you want Corrine?" I ask

"To apologise to you for what I did, I wasn't in my right mind Gideon, I understand you love Eva, I saw the footage of you both, the press conference she called when you returned from London, and I saw what you said in London, she is good for you Gideon, she understands you, and I just want to say I am so so sorry for taking your child, it was unforgivable".

"Is that all" I say coldly

There is a silence, then she finally answers, "Yes" she says

"Listen Corrine, you and I should never have happened, you didn't know me, you fell in love with the superficial public image, I didn't love you, I thought I did at the time, but Eva taught me what real love is, we had friendship nothing more".

I hear a gasp and I close my eyes, "I'm sorry Corrine but that is the truth" I say

"I know...I knew you didn't love me, I tried to make you love me, I thought I could manipulate your possessive nature, so I broke it off and chased Giroux but that backfired on me, and I was left with a loveless marriage, he adored me but I treated him the way you treated me, so he became indifferent to me, when we finally called it a day I hoped I could pick up with you but you had moved on and I'm sorry for everything, please tell Eva that I am so sorry".

"I think you should go now" I say

"Do you forgive me Gideon?" she asks

"Corrine, please don't call me again" I say firmly and I put the phone down. I am shaken by the call, I can't decide whether or not she is genuine or she is still trying to manipulate me.

I sit wondering what to do and eventually decide to call the hospital she is at to find out if they knew of the call. I wait to be put through to her doctor.

"Dr Simpson speaking" a mild voice says to me

"Dr Simpson, are you aware one of your patients has just called me?" I ask.

"Corrine Giroux?" he asks

"Yes" I say

"Yes I am, I am very sorry about that Mr Cross, she is still extremely obsessed with you, she has been asking to talk to you since she was admitted, she has been making good progress and she asked for a telephone to call her father, unfortunately the orderly she asked was new and wasn't aware of the circumstances surrounding her and he fetched her a phone. She was spotted but I think you hung up on her as we reached her, she had locked herself in her room, I apologise for this Mr Cross and I assure you it won't happen again".

"Make sure it doesn't, and just be thankful it was me she called, if she had tried to make contact with my wife I wouldn't be so understanding" my tone is suitably threatening and I am sure Dr Simpson got the message.

"I assure you Mr Cross this won't happen again" Dr Simpson repeats, "I am very sorry" he adds.

I throw the phone down and close my eyes, why the fuck did I ever say yes when she asked me to marry her? I didn't love her, I feel so guilty for what I have done to her, but angry for the way she has behaved, Eva keeps telling me that I am not responsible for her decisions, and that she should have realised my life had moved on, she says its like Brett, he shouldn't have thought he could just pick up where he left off years ago, and I get it. Whatever happened in the past between us was over when we broke up. If I keep telling myself that one day I may believe it. I allow my mind to wander back to my wife, she will be here shortly, I can't wait to see her and Vicky, it has only been a few hours since I left them to come to work but they mean the world to me and I can't bear to go a whole day without holding them in my arms.

I recall the night Eva met Corrine and a small smile crosses my lips she was so insecure, Corrine didn't make things any easier, and then Eva ran, she always ran when she felt threatened. The evening hadn't started too well, she had seen Martin Stanton, I allow my mind to wander back to that evening...

Shit that dress is showing too much, i am staring at Eva's dress, I think she feels a little uncomfortable but because I bought the damn thing she is determined she is going to wear it. When we arrive at the Gala we are mobbed by people wanting a piece of me, I feel Eva step away, I will really have to talk to her about this, its her place to stand by my side, but I can understand why it happened she felt bombarded and I think she feels its better if she just goes out of the way.

I wonder where she has gone and scan the room, my breath catches as I see her dancing with another man, she is laughing and chatting with him as though she knows him, perhaps she does? I can't control the feeling of jealousy which shoots through me.

"Excuse me" I say to the man who is talking to me.

I walk towards her , as I get closer I hear him asking her out to lunch, over my dead body!

"That would be great" she says and steps back I step forward and pull her to me, she looks around and smiles at me.

"Hello, Introduce us" I say glaring at the man.

Eva, gestures toward the man, "Gideon this is Martin Stanton, we've known each other for a few years now he's my stepfathers nephew"

Ok feeling slightly better now, I can see she obviously views him as family, but I'm not so happy about the look he is giving her.

"Martin this is the significant man in my life, Gideon Cross" hmmm significant man I like that.

"Cross" he says and he is grinning at me and holding his hand out to me, "I know who you are of course, its a pleasure to meet you. If things work out maybe I'll see you at some of the family gatherings".

I stake my claim on Eva by pulling her towards me and putting my arm around her, "Count on it" I say.

I nearly punch the fucker when he steps forward and presses a kiss to Eva's cheek, "I'll call you about lunch, next week maybe?" he says.

"Great" Eva says, but I know she can feel my anger.

I pull her into a dance, and I voice my concerns, "Not sure I like him" I say

Eva looks at me incredulously, "Martin's a very nice guy" she says.

"Just so long as he knows you're mine" I say and I pull her closer, pressing my cheek to her temple and my hand inside the cut out of the back of her dress. Just to make my point.

"I like this" she says as she squeezes me

I nuzzle closer, "That's the idea" I mutter in her ear.

Its as if nobody else is here its just me and Eva on the dance floor, nobody else matters when I am holding her in my arms. The song ends and we exit the dancefloor, I suddenly freeze I try to keep moving but my stride falters as I see her. Shit Corrine, she's here.

"I need to introduce you to someone" I say quietly to Eva, this could end badly and I also realise my little hissy fit that I have just had over Stanton could come back to haunt me if Eva gets worked up over Corrine. She walks towards us smiling at me.

"Corrine" I say, "You didn't tell me you were back I would have picked you up".

She tells me she left messages on my voicemail at home, I tell her I haven't been there much and I pull Eva forward.

"Corrine this is Eva Tramell, Eva this is Corrine. An old friend".

I watch carefully as they shake hands, "Any friend of Gideon's is a friend of mine" Corrine says

"I hope that applies to girlfriends as well" Eva says. I know that tone, she is jealous and staking her claim.

Corrine pulls me away saying she wants to speak to me and introduce me to someone, I kiss Eva hoping she will be ok, I leave her with Maggie, I hope she doesn't say anything.

As we move away, I decide to put Corrine straight, "Listen Corrine, Eva is very special to me, I have never felt like this about anyone before, I am opening up to her like I have never done before, she is very insecure please don't mention our history i want her to hear it from me"

"Gideon, I am so pleased for you, of course I won't" she places her hand on my arm. I just want to get back to Eva. We talk for a few moments and eventually I head back to Eva, Corrine is still on my arm, I wish she would let go.

"There you are" I say as I look at Eva, she looks agitated, and upset, I look at Maggie, and then back at Eva.

"Would you like me to bring you back anything" I ask brushing my fingers over her cheek trying to get that damned anxious look off her face, I realise she must be feeling insecure.

"Stoli and cranberry...make it a double" she says

"Alright" I say I look at her carefully a frown crossing my brow, she is upset about something. I head towards the bar leaving Eva with Corrine and Maggie.

I am just moving away from the bar as Eva marches up to me, she takes her drink from me and throws it back gulping it down in one, and slamming the glass down on the bar.

"Eva" I say

"I'm leaving" she says firmly as she puts the glass down. "i don't consider that running because I am telling you in advance and giving you the option of coming with me" she is glaring at me, and I know something has been said which has upset her.

"I can't leave" I try to reason with her.

She turns away from me and I grab her arm.

"You know I can't stay if you go, you're upset over nothing, Eva" I snap.

"Nothing" she says, she stares at my hand on her arm. "I warned you I get upset and jealous, this time you have given me good reason".

I remember how I dragged her out to the limo and fucked her hard to get us through the meal, and how when we got back Corrine had somehow wangled a seat at our table next to me and was trying her hardest to take me on a trip down memory lane, and then how Terry Lucas had tried to come on to Eva, to wind me up and in the end she had got fed up and run, I had followed her and walked in on the orgy where Cary had brought home a man and two women and the man was trying to proposition Eva to join them. I shake my head as I remember all too well that night.

"DADA!" I am brought back to the here and now and I look up and see my daughter wriggling and reaching out to me, I am immediately on my feet and walking towards my wife and daughter, I take Vicky from Eva's arms and kiss her forehead.

"Hello sweetpea are you being a good girl for mommy?" I ask.

Vicky wraps her tiny arms around my neck and nuzzles me. I reach for my jacket and hand it to Eva and we make our way out to lunch.


	14. Chapter 14

CHAPTER 13

Eva and I talk over lunch about Corrine, I tell her about the call and my subsequent one to her doctor, I try and reassure Eva that nothing will happen, but I can see she is afraid that Corrine will try something.

I sit eating my lunch with my daughter on my lap, I am feeding her small parts of my meal, she enchants me and I can't help but smile widely when I am near her. Eva is watching us a smile on her face, I look at my beautiful wife and it hits me what a lucky son of a bitch I am.

"I want to take you both away for the weekend" I say suddenly

Eva looks up at me in surprise, "Where?"

I shrug, "I want to take my daughter on her first seaside beach holiday" I say firmly, I have this vision of me playing on the beach with my daughter, I know she is far too young to appreciate it yet but I want her head full of happy holiday memories.

"Baby, that's a lovely thought she is far too young to sit on a beach building sandcastles, save that until she is a little bit older and able to understand" Eva says gently, she reaches across and touches my arm.

I know she is right, I just want to give my little family everything. "I just want her to have lots of happy memories" I mutter.

Eva smiles at me, "I know baby and you will do, you have the rest of your life to fill her head with happy memories, but look at her, she already adores you, when you are in the room nobody else exists".

I swallow deeply as I gaze at my daughter.

"Gideon?" Eva says gently, I look up at her.

"Hmm" I say

"If this is important to you we'll go" she says

I feel my face split into a huge grin and ideas consume me about where we can go.

All too soon my lunch date with my family is over and I am kissing my wife goodbye outside the Crossfire. I head back to my office and settle in for the afternoon.

I am thinking about where to go, the obvious place is our California home it is ridiculously close to the beach and is perfect for a quick getaway, the only problem is the last time we went there was when Eva's father died and I want this to be happy weekend and I don't want to invoke any sad memories. I think about it and realise I could be worrying about nothing and decide to run the idea past Eva to see how she feels about it, I pick my phone up and call her.

"Hello" I almost melt at the tone of her voice.

"Eva, I have been thinking about our weekend away, and the obvious place to go for what I have in mind is somewhere which could bring back some sad memories for you and I wanted to run it past you before I did anything". I pause

"Oh? Where?" she asks I can hear the uneasiness in her voice.

"Our home in California" I say and then hold my breath

"No that's fine, I'd like to go back there as the last time we went I didn't really take in a lot about it, it will be nice to go under happier circumstances" I smile at her response.

"You're sure?" I ask

"Yes" she says firmly

"Ok" I say, we chat for a while longer and I am reluctant to hang up but eventually I know I have to get on with some work and organise our weekend away.

As I sit working I realise I am not as work orientated any more, I want to spend time with my family to the outside world I have made an astounding success of my life and am obscenely rich only because I had nothing else to occupy my mind and time and it gave me something to focus on and build and feel as though I belonged to, but now I have Eva and Vicky I just don't have the insane drive any more to work as I used to. I am going through the figures of all my holdings highlighting all the areas and businesses I could effectively offload, I have more than enough money to last us several lifetimes and the interest alone on it all we could live on for the rest of our lives. I quickly decide what I am keeping and what I am getting rid off. I am keeping all my hotel portfolio as it is useful to have hotels and resorts at my disposal for when I want to take Eva anywhere, I keep the clubs and casino's and the apartment blocks and office buildings as they provide a steady income which would be stupid to offload. I look at Vidal Records, I took over this company when it was in serious danger of going under I have dragged it into the black and now it is a very profitable concern, I want to keep a hand in there being a family business especially as Eva has helped to transform it with her ideas and marketing concepts. I decide to do something which a few years ago would have been inconceivable, I decide I want this to be the first business I relinquish, I call my attorneys to draw up the papers and call Chris and Christopher to a meeting, I am not sure whether this is a good idea, but it feels the right thing to do. I have over the years bought up more and more of Vidal records and now the only shareholders are myself, Chris and Christopher, so I am reversing the decision which was made to take the company public and reorganising the structure and the distribution of shares. I need their full co-operation and I am not convinced I will get it. When Chris and Christopher arrive they look worried and suspicious, I call my mother and Ireland and have them on conference call so they are effectively in the room as I begin to speak.

"Thank you for coming, I have made some decisions regarding Vidal records which I want to run past you and hope will agree to, first of all the only shareholders of Vidal records are us three" i gesture to Chris and Christopher. So I have withdrawn Vidal Records from the stock market, an effectively reversed the decision to take the company public. There is a gasp and I pause to let that sink in and then I take a deep breath handing out papers to Chris and Christopher detailing what I want to do, it means them giving up their shares to me to reorganise it is unprecedented and I am in uncharted waters, my attorneys arrive I begin to explain my plan.

"I want Vidal records to be a family company again, the distribution of shares to include Ireland and Eva as Ireland originally had shares which I persuaded my mother to sell to me when the company was in difficulty and Eva as my wife and because of the contribution she has made recently to the major successes we have had". I pause and both Chris and Christopher are nodding in agreement. I continue, "So that being said I propose the distribution of shares to be as follows, Chris Vidal 52% Christopher and Ireland 15% each which leaves 18% I propose that is split between myself, Eva and my mother equally at 6% each, which means, I have gone from controlling the company to being a minor shareholder, and even if Eva and I join forces we will still be a minority share holding with 12% compared to Christopher and Ireland's 15%". I stare at the shocked faces around the table.

"Why?" Chris says eventually," you will lose millions by doing this?" he adds.

I shrug, "since I met Eva I have learnt that there is more to life than making money, and I want to give you back your company" I say.

I see Chris pull a calculator across the table and quickly work something out and I look at Christopher, who is staring at me as though I have completely lost my mind. I hear my mother on the phone sniff and Ireland cough.

"What do you two think, Mom, Ireland?" I say

My mom's sobs come to me, "Gideon, you took over Vidal records when it was going under and turned it around, to save me from having to go through another financial meltdown, and yet I could not protect you and save you when you needed me, I am humbled Gideon and I have nothing more to say".

"Thanks mom" I say hoarsely, "What about you Ireland?" I say.

"You are a good man Gideon" she says, "I am proud to call you my brother, you didn't have to do this" I swallow hard at her words, and glance around the table.

"Does everyone agree then?" I ask

I hear a yes from my mom and Ireland, and I glance from Chris to Christopher who both nod in unison, they sign over their shares to me and I sign all the new paperwork to redistribute them, the attorneys do their thing and quickly leave. I stand feeling much better about things.

"Ok then" I say as I stand up, I surprised when Chris comes around to me and folds me in his arms and hugs me tightly, I awkwardly pat him on the back and pull away. Christopher stares at me and then smiles and hesitantly offers his hand to me I grasp it and shake it. I am still a little wary of Christopher but at this moment he seems to be genuine enough.

Two days later I am with my wife and daughter and Angus is driving us to the airport we board the jet and we are soon on our way to California. I can't believe how excited I am about this, Eva is right this will mean nothing to Vicky as she is far too young to remember anything, but I want this so badly I can taste it.

The flight is uneventful and when we land I am anxious to get us to our home. Max is waiting for us with a car and Angus helps him load the luggage. I carry a sleepy Vicky into the car and strap her in Max shakes my hand and congratulates us on our beautiful daughter. Eva is quiet and withdrawn and I am a little worried, as she sits staring out of the window I grip her hand.

"Everything ok Angel?" I ask

She turns and smiles at me, "Yes I'm fine, just a little tired, it was an early start and you know I'm not a morning person" she says with grin. We soon arrive at our home and when we arrive Sally is waiting for us at the front door, she smiles and is immediately in raptures over Vicky.

"Oh look at this little angel, she is beautiful Mr Cross" she turns to Eva, "Mrs Cross congratulations, oh my, doesn't she look like her daddy?!" she adds as Eva comes to stand by my side. We head inside to our room and I am delighted to see the adjacent nursery has been completed to my specifications, I have made sure the room is identical to Vicky's room at the Penthouse so she feels relaxed and in familiar surroundings.

We have some lunch and then I pull Eva towards me, "what do you want to do Angel?" I ask I am desperate to walk along beach with my wife and daughter but I want Eva to be happy and I am prepared to put off what I want if she has any specific requests.

"Can we just go and walk along the beach?" she asks and I smile, once again my angel is of the same mind as me and I nod.

"That is exactly what I wanted to do" I say.

We walk the short distance to the beach and I have Vicky in my arms and Eva by my side, we are both barefoot and I have my pants legs rolled up so we can walk along the shoreline. Vicky is staring around her in wonder, she is nearly 10 months old and suddenly she wiggles and wants to get down, so we pause and I stand her on the sand, she stares at it and puts her small hands down to touch it, she has been pulling herself up on the furniture for a while now and walking holding on so I hold her hands and allow her to walk along the beach, Eva stands in front of us and takes photographs of us, she crouches down to take some and suddenly Vicky lets go of my hands and instead of dropping to her knees and crawling takes her first tentative steps towards Eva, I hover over her in case she stumbles but Eva encourages her by holding her arms open and we watch awestruck as our daughter walks towards Eva. When she reaches her Eva swings her up in the air, and we clap and praise her, she looks delighted and immediately struggles to leave Eva's arms, I quickly run in front of Eva and hold my arms out to Vicky and encourage her to walk to me, and when she does it her little arms stretched out towards me I grab her towards me tears pouring down my cheeks.

"Did you see that?" I gasp and Eva comes to me and wraps her arm around me.

"Yeah, beaches are good places!" she mutters and her words take me back to our last visit to a beach, when I married this wonderful woman...


	15. Chapter 15

CHAPTER 14

We have arrived in the Caribbean and I am totally wiped out, I have just had the orgasm of my life, I love Eva with all my heart and she has just totally owned my body, I was terrified when she first suggested being inside me, I was in total fear of what would happen and yet she was gentle and loving and it was singularly the most erotic and sensual experience of my life, I am in no doubt now that I am doing the right thing bringing her here and asking her to marry me. But I am frightened I am so afraid, her words come into my head, from the first time I had broached the subject, _"I want you to ask me when I can say yes" _. Now here I am on the verge of asking her, having the whole damn thing planned, what if she says no, I can't stand the thought of her saying no.

We are in the limo riding to the resort, as these thoughts go around in my head, I am terrified she is going to say no and what I will do if she does. I feel her snuggle up to me.

"Are we ok?" she whispers to me.

I kiss her firmly on the forehead, "yes" I reply but I am still terrified.

"I love you" she says to me,

"I know" I reply absently I toss back by my drink and think about how I am going to do this.

When we arrive the manager is waiting for us, its dark and we are both exhausted. I grip Eva's hand tightly as we are shown to our rooms and I urge her in, in front of me, the manager is clearly beside himself with joy at having us here, he is telling me everything I have requested is in place and if I need anything at all he is only a call away.

I notice Eva has moved into another room, I quickly excuse myself from Claude, the manager and head off after Eva, I find her looking out over the beach and to the sea beyond, my breath catches as I see the breeze lift her hair. I walk up to her she looks deep in thought.

"Do you like it?" I ask nervously

She turns to face me, "its fantastic" she says, but there is something about her expression, she is worried about something.

I nod at her, "I ordered dinner in Tilapia and rice, some fresh fruit and cheese" I say looking for her reaction.

"Awesome, I'm starving" she replies

I tell her there are clothes for her in the closet and drawers and that if anything is missing we will get it brought in, I am so damn nervous I just want to ask her and be done with it, but I am terrified of her saying no, I want to touch her but I will only get distracted by her so I keep my distance, I need to keep a clear head for this.

She reaches for me, "Gideon...did I make a mistake? Did I break something between us?" she asks

What? she gave me the single most sensual and loving moment of my life, destroying all the negative feelings I have about that area of my body, not to mention the orgasm of my life and she thinks she broke something, what is going on, I quickly go though what could possibly have made her feel like this, I can't look at her or I will ask her to marry me now this minute and the way she is obviously feeling she will say no, my panic rises all the more, I realise I need to answer her.

"Angel...crossfire" I whisper, I say it so quietly I wonder if she heard me, but the next thing she is wrapped around me.

"Ace" she breaths as she kisses me with everything she's got.

I want to hold her and kiss her but its so damned hot, I need to change, I push her away. "Let's get changed for dinner before it gets here. I could stand being in less clothes". I say firmly.

I head next door to change.

I am waiting for Eva on the terrace I have changed into a pair of linen trousers and I am feeling much cooler and comfortable, but I am still a bag of nerves, I need to do this soon, I need to ask her, I want to make it special and heartfelt, but I have no idea how.

As I sit brooding about how I am going to pop the question Eva arrives in a black slip dress she looks lovely as she sits I pour her a glass of wine and she gulps it down, she must be thirsty after the flight and she pours herself another. I am pushing my food around my plate rather than eating I am so wound up about this it's the hardest thing I have ever done in my life.

I keep going over the words in my head, how I am going to ask her, I see Eva watching me as she eats her supper.

I try every possible way in my mind, I really want this to be special and to get it right and most of all I need her to say yes.

I see Eva push her plate away and take a deep breath she looks upset, I wonder what's wrong?

"I'm sorry baby, I should've...I didn't..." she swallows hard, "I'm sorry baby" she whispers clearly distressed.

She shoves back her chair and goes to run, it feels like ice running through my veins, what the hell?

"Eva wait" I call

I watch her run on to the beach and down to the sea, what the hell has upset her, and then I think back through events since we got here, shit you fucking idiot Gideon, she thinks you are mad at her or upset, I go through what she has said to me, her worry that she broke something between us, and then I look at my behaviour tonight, I have been so wrapped up in how I am going to ask her to marry me I have withdrawn from her like I did that first night we had sex in the limo and now she thinks ...shit where is she? I am on my feet and charging down the beach, she ran into the sea and sank I can't see her, I dive into the water searching for her, I see her sinking and grab her hauling her to me out of the water.

"Angel" I growl as I get her back on the beach I am furious with myself for causing this, I kiss her as if I am eating her, and walk with her in my arms towards the cabana I lay her down on to the chaise and lie down on top of her.

Oh Angel what have I done? I made her think I was angry and upset with her, I triggered all her insecurities I groan, I need to ask her, its not in any way how I planned to do it, but I need to let her know, "Marry me" I say firmly.

I see her shocked face and it's almost as if she is thinking through the events of tonight.

"Tomorrow" I add and she stares at me her eyes widening

"I" she stammers

I push up from her so I can look into her eyes, "The word is yes Eva, real simple - yes" I say firmly, I need you to say yes baby, I need this.

"We can't get married tomorrow" she says

"We can" I say emphatically, "and we will" I realise I need to open up and tell her why, "I need it Eva, I need the vows, the legality...I'm going crazy without them" I stare at her, I need to be bound to you by the law, so you can't run from me.

"It's too soon" she stammers

I look at her incredulously, "You can say that after the flight over, you fucking own me Eva. I'll be dammed if I don't own you back".

I can see her start to panic, "I can't breathe" she gasps.

I roll over taking her with me so she is on top of me, but I wrap my arms around her so she can't get off and run. "you want this – you love me" I say to her, I am desperate for her to say yes.

"I do, yes" she says, "but you're rushing into..."

I cut her off, telling her that I have been planning this for weeks, I have been planning this since she came back to me, I have obsessed about this, she insists we can't run off and elope, and asks about our friends and families, so I tell her we will marry again for them, with all the trappings .

She is staring at me as if I have gone mad so I pull my final card and tell her I have asked her dad, she looks shocked at this and a little upset.

I tell her I had the opportunity when he was in town and explain I recorded it so she could listen to the conversation if she wants to.

She tells me I'm crazy, and realise it does sound a little crazy.

I smile at her, "Possibly" I say, "if so you you've made me this way", I kiss her hard on her cheek, "I can't live without you Eva, I can't even imagine trying, just the thought makes me insane". I think of the enforced separation and I shudder, I never want to go through that again.

Eva is staring at me as if I am insane, "This is insane" she retorts

"Why?" I ask I frown at her, I'm scared she hasn't said yes yet, she is making excuses, "You know there is no-one else for either of us, what are you waiting for?"

She just stares at me and doesn't say a word. I need to bring this to an end, she is marrying me and I won't take no for an answer.

"I'm not giving you any options here" I stand up with her in my arms, "we are doing this Eva, enjoy your last remaining hours as a single woman" I wait for her to protest but she doesn't which gives me hope she will say yes, I wonder what I will do if she doesn't, and I realise I must be insane as I contemplate actually keeping her here until she says yes.

I take her back to our room and we do what we do best continuously for hours, I am shocked how I can keep going all night with her, its not natural, but she does this to me. I look down as she convulses in another orgasm and I smile.

"Gideon" she gasps, my sweat is dripping on her and we are a sticky sweaty mess but neither of us care.

"That's it, squeeze my dick like that, you feel so good Angel, you're going to make me come again" I moan, "Umm, you're so creamy with my cum, I love the way you feel when I've been at you all night, a lifetime of this, Eva, I'll never stop"

"Kiss me" she whispers

I immediately press my lips to hers.

"Love me" she demands and she digs her nails into my hips.

"I do Angel, I do".

I lie with her until she falls asleep, which doesn't take long, and then I quietly slip away to my room, the first hints of dawn are breaking across the sky and I smile.

When I wake up I shower and quickly prepare my next move, her breakfast tray has arrived and so has Angus, he smiles at me looking at my face closely.

"She hasn't actually said yes yet" I say in answer to his silent question, "but she will" I add confidently.

I see a flash of doubt cross his face. He hands me the envelope with the pre-nup in I have already read it carefully, this will convince her of my feelings for her surely. I think back to the arguments I had with my attorneys over this how they were convinced I was out of my mind to make myself so vulnerable. One even pointed out that the idea of a pre-nup was to protect my interests not make them more vulnerable. I fired him.

I tuck the envelope under her plate and arrange it so it looks nice, I stand back and look carefully at the tray, I glance at Angus and nod, he turns and disappears from the room.

I take the tray into Eva's room, and place it on the table, and then I fetch the white robe I bought her and drape it over the chair, I check everything is perfect and then I disappear back to my room and wait.

I am getting more and more anxious, when I see movement, I see Eva out on the patio, I can't see her properly from where I am so I quickly call up the security feeds of the patio and watch them carefully. She is sitting with her back to the beach where all the preparations are taking place and she has a sad look on her face, shit she must think its a regular pre nup, I hold my breath as she opens it up and starts to read, its not a anything like you think Angel, just read it and you will see how much I love you.

I see her sipping her coffee and smile she is not a morning person and refuses to do anything until she is properly caffeinated as she calls it. She looks beautiful.

I see her mouth drop open as she reads what must be my assets and then she frowns, why? Then she looks thoughtful staring into space as though she is planning something, I wish I knew what she is thinking.

She carries on reading, tears start to form in her eyes and I know she realises what I am trying to do here, I know its time to go to her, I head out and as she turns to the final page I reach her. She is wiping her tears away.

"Good morning Ace" she says

"Morning Angel" I reply and I kiss her gently and sit down. I decide not to say anything until she speaks but its killing me, she is looking at me and I am willing her to say something.

She lets the pages flip back to the first page and puts her hand on it, she takes a deep breath and I hold mine.

"Nothing in this document can keep me married to you" she states firmly.

I am shocked "Then we we'll revisit and revise, name your terms" I say, with a hint of desperation in my voice.

"I don't want your money, I want this" she gestures to me, then she leans forward and places her hand on my chest, "Especially this, you're the only thing that can hold me, Gideon". She stares at me.

Oh Angel, I will fuck this up I can't hold you, I don't know how, I realise I need to tell her this make her understand.

"I don't know how to do this Eva" I grasp her hand, "I'm going fuck up and you'll want to run"

"Not any more, haven't you noticed" she says.

My mind goes back to last night when my stupidity made her think she had done something wrong. "I noticed you running into the ocean last night and sinking like a damn stone!" I lean towards her, "Don't argue the pre-nup on principal, if there are no deal breakers for you in it, live with it, for me". I am practically begging here.

She sits back and I can see her thinking things over, "You and I have a long way to go, a document can't force us to believe in each other, I'm talking about trust Gideon" she says

Oh Angel I trust you with my life, I suppress a snort of laughter, "Yeah well...I don't trust myself not to fuck this up and you don't trust that you've got what I need, we trust each other just fine. We can work on the rest together".

I stare at her and see her eyes soften, "Okay" she says.

What? she said yes, holy fucking shit she said yes, she wants me, she really does want me, I don't believe it, she is going to be my wife, today. I feel so light I feel I am floating.

"I do have one revision" she says

"Name it" I say, I will give her whatever she wants she said she will marry me.

"You just did, the name issue" she says.

No way, she will have my name, she is mine, and I want the world to know it. "Nonnegotiable" I say flatly swiping my hand.

She arches her brow, "Don't be a fucking Neanderthal, I want to take my dads name too" she explains, "he wanted that and its bothered him my whole life, this is my chance to fix it".

I feel stupid now for my reaction, "So Eva Lauren Reyes Cross?" I ask

She shakes her head, "Eva Lauren Tramell Reyes Cross" she says

"That's a mouthful Angel" I say to her, "but do what makes you happy that's all I want".

She leans forward and kisses me, "All I want is you" she says.

"Lets make it official" I say and my lips touch hers in a gentle chaste kiss.

I stand waiting on the beach in my bare feet in my grey slacks and untucked shirt, I feel comfortable and it feels right, I wait and then she appears walking towards me, I feel my breath catch she looks stunning, in a strapless long gown, I had hoped she would pick that to get married in when I picked it out for her. I notice the red rose in her hair...red our colour, and a beautiful bouquet in her hand which the hotel provided. As she stops in front of me I can't take my eyes off her, this woman who has turned my life upside down and taught me how to love.

After a beautiful simple ceremony we are finally husband and wife, I am someone's husband, I never thought I could have this. Never in a million years.

When i am told I can kiss my bride I lean towards her, I see a look of sadness in her eyes and I realise she must be missing her family and Cary, so as I lean in to kiss her I whisper in her ear.

"We will do this again, as many times as you want" I realise I was right as the sad look immediately disappears. I kiss her hard on the lips.

Angus nearly makes me cry with his words, he speaks in his thickest Scottish accent which he always used when he was comforting me as a child, I also know nobody else could understand what he was saying so it felt as though it was our private moment. This man who is much more than an employee, he is the closest thing to a father I have.

We cut the cake and we sign the register, when we are given the wedding certificate I touch it reverently this is precious this says I am loved.

"Is this what you needed?" Eva teases as she watches me, I look up at her and she nods towards the certificate, "this piece of paper".

"I need you Mrs Cross" I say with a grin and I pull her close to me, "I wanted this" I add lifting up the certificate.

Angus appears and I give him the certificate he also takes the pre-nup and heads of to leave us in peace, he has his own room and some well earned time off now until we head back.

I pick up my bride and carry her towards the cabana, "Now for me to live my fantasy" I whisper in her ear as I lay her down on the chaise.


	16. Chapter 16

CHAPTER 15

"Earth to Gideon!" I am brought back to the here and now, by Eva who is grinning at me, and I realise where I am, back on the California beach with my family.

"Sorry, what you said, about beaches being good places took me back to a particular beach in the Caribbean" I say

Eva smiles at me, "Yes that _was_ a particularly good beach" she agrees

"EVA!" we turn at the call and I immediately stiffen and am on edge my good mood evaporating, as i see Brett Kline walking towards us.

"Fancy seeing you here" he says with a grin, Eva immediately moves closer to me and wraps her arm around me.

"We have a home here" she says and Brett's eyebrows raise.

"Well what a coincidence so do I" he says and I frown he must have found out about our California home and bought one nearby on purpose. I realise now he will always want my wife.

I see Eva quickly assess the situation and take charge. "Well nice to see you Brett but we have plans and we need to get back" she turns to me, "Ready baby?" she asks.

I nod and lift Vicky into my arms, Eva takes my hand and we head back to our house.

"I'm sorry" I say as we are walking back.

Eva looks at me in surprise, "What for? Its not your fault", she says.

I should have kept tabs on Brett fucking Kline and stopped him from buying a house near us. When we get back I call Raul and ask him to find out where Brett is living. When he gets back to me a short while later, I am horrified yet secretly pleased, he has bought an apartment in a building which I own, about 3 blocks away. I immediately order surveillance on him and tabs to be kept on him.

I head out to our terrace and see Eva staring out over the ocean, Vicky is quietly playing with her toys in her little playpen , I walk up behind my wife and wrap my arms around her waist, she turns and pulls me towards her sliding her hands behind my head. I kiss her soundly and as she responds the kiss deepens I feel the stress from the recent events leaving my body as I pull away from her I glance towards the beach and see Kline watching us, I smirk and dip Eva dramatically she squeals in delight , griping my arms and I kiss her once again, supporting her weight and mine, I pull her close and she responds to me. When I let her go and set her back on her feet she giggles.

"Wow" she says and I smile at her.

I glance back towards the beach and see Kline has gone.

I am determined that Kline won't spoil our weekend and I continue with my plans, I have arranged with Angus to take care of Vicky and I am going to take Eva out tonight for dinner. I bought her a new dress for this evening and Angus brings it in, in its wrappings, along with a box with matching shoes and purse.

I head into our room and she is just coming out of the shower. She stops dead as she sees the clothes bag in my hand.

"Angel this is for you for tonight" I say watching her reaction.

She opens the bag and gasps at the dress inside, a beautiful red dress with a fitted bodice, she looks at me.

"You spoil me" she says and then presses a kiss to my cheek, "Thank you" she adds.

"I like spoiling you" I reply, "and you are very welcome" I add.

I hand her the box and she opens it with another gasp.

"You are too much" she says with a shake of her head.

"Never" I say, "Hurry up and get dressed, Angus is on baby sitting duty we are going out" I state firmly.

"Yes sir" she says with a grin.

When she is finally ready, I am waiting for her in the sitting room, I stand as she walks in looking absolutely stunning.

"Ready?" I ask

She nods, Max appears and I nod at him, he goes to bring the car round.

As we are heading towards the restaurant I grip Eva's hand, "Thank you for making me the happiest man alive, I don't tell you enough, how much you mean to me and how happy you make me" I say.

"You don't have to tell me" she says and leans towards me and kisses me,

When we reach the restaurant I step out of the car and help Eva out, as we turn I hear a bang and almost simultaneously feel a sharp pain, then things just go into freefall, I hear Eva scream and I look and see her covered in blood.

"Eva" I scream, I feel Max pushing us to the ground and shouting and then everything turns black.

I open my eyes and Eva is sitting with me, she looks terrible, as though she hasn't slept for days, she is wearing jeans and a t shirt, I look around where the fuck am I?

I start to remember and I grip Eva's hand, "Angel are you ok...blood, I saw blood?" I stop and she is crying.

"You've come back to me" she whispers

What? what the hell is going on? I see her stand and press a button, the next thing a nurse and doctor are entering the room. Will someone tell me what the fuck is going on?

"Will someone tell me what is going on?" I demand and I see Eva smile.

"Now I know you are ok" she says "that tone of voice, I have missed it" she adds.

The doctor takes my wrist and looks at his watch, "Mr Cross you are a very, very lucky man, do you have any idea what has happened to you?"

I shake my head.

"Someone shot you baby" Eva says with a sob and she grips my hand.

"How long have I been here?" I ask

"Three days" Eva says, "you lost a lot of blood" she cries harder and I want to comfort her.

"Help me up" I demand and the nurse raises my bed so I am in a sitting position, I lift my arms and Eva carefully comes into them.

The doctor takes a seat beside me, "Mr Cross let me explain, as I say you are a very lucky man, the bullet missed most of your vital organs, but you have lost your spleen. It was too badly damaged and the bullet was lodged in it so we had to remove it. You lost a lot of blood and you have been unconscious for nearly three days"

"Vicky?" I ask staring at Eva, and then I remember she was back at the house.

"She's fine, my mom flew out to me to help Angus take care of her, while I stayed here with you"

"Your wife was quite adamant Mr Cross that she wasn't leaving you until you woke up".

I smile at Eva, now I know why she looks so terrible, she has huge dark rings under her eyes. Oh Angel what have I done to you?

"We need to do some tests Mr Cross" the doctor says, I nod absently my gaze still on Eva.

She stands up, "I'll go and make some calls let people know you are awake now" she says

"No don't go" I say

She immediately sits down and moves away so the doctor can have clear access to me, she takes her phone out and makes a call.

"Hi, its me, yes he's awake, he's going to be ok" I see the tears rolling down her cheeks, and she sniffs, "yes I'll tell him...ok ...bye" she looks at me.

"Your mom, she says to say she loves you" I swallow hard.

I am distracted by the door opening, Eva stands and throws herself at the person entering, "he's awake" she says

"Oh thank god!" comes the familiar voice, I see Cary holding my wife tightly in his arms.

I am glad he has been here to support her, he turns to me, "A bit dramatic don't you think? if you wanted attention all you had to do was ask!" he says he is trying to make light of the situation, but I can tell by his voice he has been worried about Eva"

I smile at him, "thank you for coming" I say.

He shrugs, "Eva called me as soon as it happened and I dropped everything, I couldn't not be here" he says.

"I'm glad she called you and thank you for doing that for her" I say

He stares at me, "I didn't just do it for Eva, you're my bro I had to come" he says, and immediately looks embarrassed by his words. He fans his hands dramatically "Listen to me, you'll think I'm coming on to you" he says, and I hear Eva snort with laughter.

"Cary!" she says, and slaps his arm.

I am shocked, I always thought, he didn't really like me, but tolerated me for Eva's sake, it's never occurred to me he actually liked me.

"Baby girl go and get some rest now, I'll sit here for a while" Cary says Eva nods and turns to me, and kisses my cheek, I look up and want to say no, but she looks exhausted and I keep my mouth shut, she needs to sleep.

"Go and rest, I'll be fine with Cary" I say and I touch her arm.

I watch her go my heart twisting with the separation. The doctor and nurse have gone and its just me and Cary, The nurse reappears with a jug of water and a glass, Cary takes them from her and pours the water, he holds it for me while I sip from the straw.

"Steady or you'll puke " he says.

"Thank you" I say as I move my head away.

"You gave us all a scare there" Cary says quietly

"What the hell happened?" I ask

Cary sighs and rubs his face, "it was horrible, I was at an evening shoot when Eva called, she was distraught, she just kept saying you had been shot and she needed me, she was hysterical, I knew I had to get to her fast. I managed to get her to calm down enough to let me know what had happened and where you guys were and I literally dropped everything, I told them I had to leave, they threatened me with legal action and I told them to sue me, I said to them that the life of my best friends is far more important, and at the moment one of them is in the balance, I'm sorry I said you had been shot and they didn't say anything else, but I think I got the news to the media quicker...sorry!"

I shrug and gesture for him to continue.

"So I called Trey and told him and then I called Angus, he arranged for a plane to get me here and I came straight here. It didn't take that long actually as I was in Nevada doing the shoot. You were still in surgery when I arrived, Eva was waiting covered in your blood so alone, I phoned Angus, and asked for some fresh clothes for her, some other guy ...Max? came with some clothes, I arranged a room for her so she could stay here, I said that you wouldn't be very happy with them when you woke up to find out she hadn't been looked after, they bent over backwards, they got her a private room, and I made her go and shower and change. I have used that room more than she has though, she hasn't left your side, she has slept in this seat, when she has managed to sleep. The only times she left you were when I forced her to, to shower and eat, that guy Max kept bringing in food for us from Sally. Eva made me promise to stay here and not move till she got back and to call her straight away if you woke every time I managed to get her to leave the room. I called Monica and she came out here straight away to help with Vicky and so Angus could arrange stuff that other guy of yours, Raul and some of the security detail who also flew out to find out what happened". He looks behind him, and lowers his voice.

"They got the guy who shot you, you're never going to believe who it is"

"Brett Kline" I say

I know I am right when I see Cary's face.

"How?" he asks

"He saw us on the beach, he has bought a house near our California home" I say

"Shit!" Cary says, "Well, it seems he has totally lost it, and it seems he was actually aiming for Eva, but you both moved and he shot you instead", I feel my anger rising at this disclosure, as Cary continues "he admitted everything, and he kept saying that if he couldn't have her no-one could. I haven't told Eva any of this, she thinks he shot you out of jealousy and that has destroyed her enough as it is, as she is blaming herself, if she knows you ended up taking a bullet meant for her well..." he stops and shakes his head.

I shake my head, it's my fault, I was provoking him on the terrace.

"There is a media scrum outside, you are quite the celebrity, you have been top of the news for the last few days, Angus has had his work cut out to stop them, as I said some of your security guys flew in from New York and they are around the place, stopping the press getting in".

The door opens and Eva walks in, she smiles apologetically at me.

"I'm sorry, I couldn't stay away, I can't sleep knowing you are awake" she says.

Cary immediately stands and offers her his seat, he stands behind her and touches her shoulder and then disappears he returns a few moments later with another chair and places it beside Eva and sits down.

"Oh Angel, I'm so sorry" I moan as I grip her hand

"Stop it" she snaps, "You are not to blame for any of this" she adds firmly. In a softer voice she continues. "I have phoned Murray and he is going to put out a statement saying you are recovering well". I nod at her.

There is a knock at the door and Angus pokes his head in he smiles with relief as he sees me.

"Good to see you back with us sir" he says

"Angus, can you fetch me my phone and laptop" I say, Eva stares at me as if I have lost my mind, "I want to see what those parasites have been saying about me" I say with a grin. I look back at Angus, "I would also really, really like to see my daughter" I add.


	17. Chapter 17

CHAPTER 16

"DADA"

I take a sharp breath as I hear that beautiful little voice call out to me. My head whips up, looking towards the voice.

I look up and see Monica struggling to hold Vicky as she is wriggling to try and get to me. Eva stands and takes her.

"Steady, careful with daddy" she says as she places her on the bed, holding on to her.

I wrap my arms around my daughter and hold her to me, its hitting me what could have happened, my daughter would have grown up not knowing me and Eva would have been a single mother, they would have been well provided for, my will would have taken care of that, but after seeing my daughters reaction to me after not seeing me for a couple of days and how I've heard how my wife has not left my side, it occurs to me that if anything was to happen to me Eva would be devastated.

"Hey Sweet Pea, are you being a good girl?" I say it is my standard line to her when I see her and it feels nice to be so predictable. Monica steps forward and touches my shoulder.

"How are you? You've given us all quite a fright Gideon" she says

I look up at her, "I'm feeling very well thank you Monica and ...thank you for coming to help" I say.

"Eva needed me" she says simply.

She lets go of my shoulder with a small pat, "I'll leave you alone" she says, Cary stands and holds his arm out to Monica and she takes it, he turns to Eva.

"I'm heading back to your place with your mom, for a proper shower and something to eat, I'll be back later" he says.

Eva nods, and gives him a hug I see her whisper something in his ear and he nods, he looks towards me and smiles before turning and then he and Monica are gone, as suddenly as the room was filled it is now empty again apart from me and my family. I pull Eva closer and I wrap my arms around her and Vicky, she tightens her grip on me and rubs her hand down my back to comfort me.

I have no idea how long we all just sit there, Vicky quietly playing in my lap until she falls asleep and Eva is lying beside me on the bed, tucked under my arm her head on my chest, we were just chatting until I got no response from her - she is also fast asleep.

The nurse enters and smiles at the scene. "she must be exhausted" she says nodding at Eva, "her brother kept trying to persuade her to rest and eat but I think he used the room we made available to her more than she did, she hardly ever left your side, and when she did, she told her brother to call her if you woke, I think she only went to take bathroom breaks and once for a shower when her brother told her that if you woke up and saw her in the state she was in you would go straight back unconscious again".

I look down at my sleeping wife and shake my head. I smile at Cary's no nonsense care of my wife. The nurse goes to wake her and I put my hand out.

"No. Let her sleep" I say.

Angus appears at the door and smiles, I nod towards Vicky and he comes in and takes the sleeping infant from me and then he goes to wake Eva. "No leave her" I say. He nods and walks away with my daughter.

I sit stroking Eva's hair enjoying just feeling close to her. I have my laptop open and I am inundated with Google alerts all the news websites and gossip sites are full of the news that I have been shot, and by none other than an old flame of Eva's I shake my head, I am suddenly angry as I read one site hint that Eva set it up to kill me to get my money and then disappear with Brett, I call Scott, and tell him to notify my attorneys that I want this site brought down, and whoever wrote this piece charged with libel.

A week later and I am leaving the hospital with my wife, I am still quite sore but I refuse to leave in a wheelchair. As we reach the doors the media surge forward. I decided to meet them head on and give a statement. I am still angry about that gossip site piece I read, and I have noticed other similar sites hinting the same thing.

The mob goes quiet as I prepare to speak, Eva is at my side and she is supporting me by leaning against me and helping to take my weight.

"Good morning, as you can see I am alive and well and I am now heading home to be with my family, I would like to thank all the doctors and nursing staff here for patching me up, I am very grateful for the care they have given me. You all know I was shot by Brett Kline, who is in custody, so far his motives are unclear, but I am willing to believe it is due to the fact he was sacked from Six Ninths and he holds me responsible for that decision. I would like to add that the disgusting insinuations made in the press against my wife, suggesting she had something to do with the attack are totally false, and I will take swift libel action against any such slurs appearing on any website, or newspaper publication. I am now going home and I would ask that the press respects our privacy, thank you".

Immediately I am inundated with questions which I ignore. Suddenly someone shouts out to Eva.

"Mrs Cross, is it true Brett Kline was aiming at you and your husband took the bullet for you?"

I immediately tense up and I turn to Angus who nods at someone to the left. I feel Eva take a sharp breath in and her face swings up to mine, with a questioning look which slowly changes into a look of horror.

"Ignore them Angel" I say

We climb into the car and head back to our house.

When we get in Cary heads straight out for us, and whispers in Angus' ear before grabbing Eva's arm, "Hi baby girl, come and help me with something" he says, he looks meaningfully at me as Eva refuses.

"Go on Angel, I need to check in with the office" I say and head towards my study, Angus follows me.

"What's happened?" I ask as soon as we are alone.

Angus sighs, "The press picked up on Eva's reaction to that question about you taking the bullet for her, and some digging has been done and its being reported that Brett's actual target was Eva, and someone has leaked what he said when he was arrested that if he couldn't have her nobody could, this isn't good as he can claim that he didn't know what he was doing. Cary just whispered to me that it's all over the media now what Brett said"

"Fuck" I say and rest my head in my hands, just as I am thinking what to do next the door flies open and Eva runs in tears rolling down her cheeks.

"I'm so sorry, its all my fault" she sobs, I stand up and walk towards her with my arms open as she runs into them I wince and she immediately steps back. "Oh god sorry, shit, come and sit down" she says.

I go with her to the sofa and we sit down, she rests her head against me and I comfort her.

"Angel, its not your fault, Brett is obsessed with you, he made the decision to shoot, and quite frankly if he was to shoot anyone I'm glad he hit me instead of you". I say as I rub my hand up and down her arm.

"He's a fucking menace" she says bitterly, "I wish I'd never met him". I look up to see Angus leave the room.

"I know Angel, I know" I say I watch as the sobs subside and she slowly drifts off to sleep I shake my head she is still catching up on the leep she lost while in the hospital with me, I don't move her but just sit and think about everything, Eva's words go through my head "I wish I'd never met him" my mind immediately goes to Brett Kline and that night when I saw Eva kissing him after the concert...

It has been a fantastic evening, Eva's friend Shawna seems a lovely person, and although I could have got us much better tickets, as she was inviting us it would have been rude to do so, after Eva asked me if I wanted to invite one of my friends it was a no brainer that I would bring along Arnoldo, he is a huge fan of Six Ninths and one of the reasons I signed them in the first place.

I watch as Arnoldo and Shawna are having the time of their lives with the backstage VIP passes I organised, I am waiting for Eva while she goes to the toilet, and while I am waiting I am accosted again by that prick Phillips, I am not really listening as he excitedly drones on about something or other. I spot Eva heading towards me, she gestures towards the exit and she heads quickly towards it. Angus is outside waiting so she'll be fine.

I carry on listening to Phillips tell me about the next leg of the tour, when Angus runs towards me.

"Mr Cross you need to come outside now, it's Eva" he says, the way he says this panic's me and I head off with him.

"What is it?" I ask as we hurry towards the exit.

"Someone saw Eva, and seemed to recognise her she immediately became afraid and ran, I tried to go after her but I lost her amongst the buses".

"Shit" I break into a run.

As we reach the exit I quickly scan the car park, and that's when I see her, she is standing talking to some guy I look closer and see it's Brett Kline, how the hell does Brett Kline know Eva, then I think of the song Golden and its lyrics, holy fuck she is _the _Eva she was with him. I stop and watch, every time he steps towards her she takes a step back, she looks towards the limo, she's looking for help, I break into a run to get to her to get him away from her, then I see it, he reaches for her and kisses her, I feel my heart break as she doesn't struggle, she doesn't push him away, god damn it she is kissing him back, suddenly its as if she regains her senses and pushes him away as I charge into them. I am beyond angry I vaguely hear Arnoldo speak but I don't respond I have retreated to the dark place inside me and I am doing what needs to be done.

I hear another voice, "Kline you fuckhead! What the hell are you doing?"

I keep mechanically punching and Kline gets a couple of punches in, I don't even feel them.

I hear more voices, I make out Angus and Eva's voice but nothing can stop me.

Two security guards appear and drag us apart. I glance up at Kline and blood is pouring from his nose, he stares at me recognition appearing on his face as to the man he has just been brawling with is the man who holds his livelihood in his hands.

"Shit" he breathes

"You will leave Eva alone" I hear myself growl at him.

I see a smirk cross his face and as he walks past me escorted away by security he mutters, "she was mine first". I almost lunge at him again but think better of it.

I am led away to clean myself up and I am in turmoil, does she love him, are there feelings there for him, I saw her kissing him and I feel my heart breaking, I realise how much I love Eva and I break down and sob. I need to see her to find out what they mean to each other and why she kissed him. I call Angus.

"Where are you?" I ask

"I am just dropping off Mr Ricci and Miss Ellison" he says calmly

"Is Eva there?" I ask

"She is and she is very upset, she is very angry with me and Mr Ricci for taking her away from you, she is worried about you sir"

"She is?" i ask

"Yes sir" he replies.

"Why did she do it Angus?" I ask

"I have no idea sir, but if I may say so, don't be too hard on her, she didn't want to see Mr Kline to start with, I saw her face, and the fact she ran away from him plus she did push him away eventually, I think there is something more to this episode than her just kissing him".

"Then I need to find out what it is, we will drive to North Carolina, its a ten hour drive, so make sure you organise a replacement driver for the half way point when we stop for gas". I say firmly.

"Yes sir" he replies

The line goes dead and I know Eva must be back within earshot.

A short while later I see Angus arrive in the limo and I quickly climb into it. I see Eva is looking desperately for me out of the other window and as soon as I climb in she lurches towards me.

"Gideon" she starts.

I put my hand up, "Don't" I say, I see her fall on her ass and she watches me pour a drink, she's crying, I desperately want to hold her in my arms but my anger is too close to the surface at the moment.

"What is he to you?" I ask I need to know what he means to her, if he means more to her than I do.

"A mistake" she says simply wiping her tears away.

"Then? Or now?" I ask

"Both" she answers sadly

You always kiss your mistakes like that?" I ask, I know I am being cruel but I need her to tell me why she did it. She shakes her head at me adamantly, almost violently.

I ask the one question which is going over in my mind since I saw them, "You want him?" I ask tightly dreading her answer.

"No" she whispers, "I only want you, I love you Gideon, so much it hurts".

I put my head back and close my eyes, I remember how I made her come in the middle of that concert, and a sudden thought strikes me. "Did you come for me when I had my fingers inside you, Eva? Or because of his goddamn song?"

There is silence I open my eyes and she is staring at me in shock, "You. You're the only person who can get me like that. Make me forget where I am, make it so I don't care who's around or what's happening as long as you're touching me" she says

All the negative thoughts in my head start spewing out of my mouth, "isn't that what happened when he kissed you". I stare at her, "He's had his dick in you, he's fucked you...blown his load in you".

I see her cringe and I see her turn away, I move towards her and rub my thumb across her lips "he's had your mouth" I say viciously. I watch her grab my drink and toss it back.

I lie back and put my arm across my face, I'm trying to get those images of her kissing him out of my head, I feel Eva fumbling with my fly, I grab her hand "what the fuck are you doing?" I ask.

"Come in my mouth" she begs, "Wash it away". She is waiting for me to respond.

I want her but I am too angry to respond to her, I won't fuck her while I am this angry, but if she sucks me off it might help with the mental pictures going through my mind of her with him.

"Please Gideon" she begs again

"Fuck" I whisper then I release her, "Do it" I say, I lift my hips to help her remove my jeans and boxers out of the way.

I keep silent as she takes me in her mouth, I normally talk to her telling her how much I am enjoying it and how good she is, but I don't say a word, as she continues , I stiffen as I get closer and my breathing becomes more laboured until I finally come in her mouth, my head jolting backward into the seat. I hear her whimper as she takes all I give her. I reach down and smear the semen around her lips. I tell her to climb on top of me as I have more to give her, I watch her take off her boy shorts,

"Take it all off, everything except the boots" I say as I watch her. She does as I ask and straddles me.

I grab her hips, "Are you wet?" I ask, no matter how angry I am I won't hurt her.

"Yes" she replies

"It turned you on to suck my cock" I say

"Always" she replies

"Why did you kiss him?" I ask the change in subject has unnerved her, and I see her lip tremble.

"I don't know" she says.

I reach up and grab the headrest as I decide how I am going to get her to talk to tell me why, I realise there is more to it but she just won't tell me.

"Take your shirt off" she asks

I look at her with a narrow gaze, "This isn't for you" i say harshly.

I feel her still against me and she tells me that I am punishing her, I tell her she's earned it, I see something in her eyes and then next thing she is stroking me and I feel myself pushing into her, the next thing Eva has slammed down hard, she cries out.

"Jesus Fuck, Goddamn it " I splutter, that must have hurt her, it shocked the hell out of me. She starts to move and as much as I want to stay still I can't help but move my hips.

"You feel so good" she whispers in my ear, "you're all I need Gideon, All I want, you were made for me" she says

"You forgot that" I snap back at her.

I hear her sharp intake of breath, "Never, I could never forget, you're part of me" she insists

"Tell me why you kissed him" I say again

"I don't know" she rests her forehead against me, "God, Gideon I swear I don't know"

"Then shut up and make me come" I say

"Fuck you" she says, I look at her and see she is crying.

"Now you're getting the idea" I say

"Don't treat me like a whore" she sobs

Shit, I've gone too far, I just want to know, I need her to tell me, why. "Eva" I say she looks at me. "You want to stop you know what to say" I tell her.

I don't know what will happen next, am I testing her to see what she does? Perhaps I am, I just need her to tell me, I realise I am going to have to use sex against her to get her to talk, I don't want to but as far as i can see its the only way. She moves and I can tell she is desperate for an orgasm, but as I come inside her I hold her still so she cant get her own release. I know its cruel but if it gets her to talk then so be it, i will make it up to her afterwards.

I keep at her bringing her to the point of orgasm and denying her, she is a hot sweaty and sticky mess and so am I, I know she is so wound up she has to tell me soon, she has already told me she hates me and she has called me a sadistic selfish son of a bitch, but I won't stop till she tells me what I want to know, why she kissed Brett Fucking Kline.

I can tell she is beyond wound up and I fear she will never speak I try one last time, "Tell me why Eva" I say

"Because you deserved it, because you should know what it feels like, how bad it hurts you self centred asshole!" she screams at me.

There, I knew it, it was a deep seated desire to get back at me for Corrine, her jealousy over Corrine, and she wanted me to feel as bad as she felt, oh Angel I'm sorry.

"Angel, my stubborn beautiful angel finally we get to the truth".

I let her come, and then place her onto the seat to let her sleep, I am not proud of myself for torturing her like that, but at least now I know, she loves me and I couldn't see what being with Corrine was doing to her, so subconsciously she kissed Kline to make me feel it for myself. Oh Angel!

I feel Eva stirring on my lap and I am brought back to the here and now, I stroke her hair.

"Angel?" I whisper and she opens her eyes.

"Oh god sorry, I fell asleep" she says

"Don't worry it was nice" I say smiling at her, she lifts herself up and helps me stand up.

"Gideon, was he really aiming for me and you got in the way?" she asks

I nod sadly and hold her closely to me.

"You could have been killed" she shivers and holds me closer.

"But I wasn't, I am here and we are together" I say gently.


	18. Chapter 18

CHAPTER 17

_**ONE WEEK LATER**_

"Eva where are you Angel?" I am standing at the bottom of the stairs of our California home shouting for my wife. I see her appear from the Kitchen.

"What's wrong?" she asks

"Nothing Angel, I have good news, my attorneys have called me with news about Kline" I lead Eva over to the sofa and hold her hand.

"Okay, what?" she asks warily

"They rang to say, that because he admitted everything and said what he said he is on a charge of attempted first degree murder, from his actions of buying a home near ours his previous meltdowns, and his actions on the day, shows a degree of premeditation even if he didn't intend to and therefore he was of sound mind when he did it. He wanted a plea bargain but his counsel knew he would never get it, if he hadn't admitted everything they could have done something for him but as it is, he will be sentenced next week. His previous also counts against him, that interview he did and the fact we had issued restraining orders against him goes to prove his obsession with you, and that whilst sick he isn't insane."

I look at Eva, she nods "Do we have to go?" she asks

I shake my head, "No Angel, we gave our statements and because he pleaded guilty there is no need for us to be there, we can go if we want to but I'm guessing you don't, am I right?"

She nods and then wraps her arms around me, "so its really over?" she asks

"Yes it's really over" I say.

"Can we go home to New York?" she asks

"Yes of course we can" I say.

As she stands to walk away, she hesitates and turns, "Gideon?" she says

"What is it Angel?" I ask immediately on my feet

"Do we have to come here again, it has too many bad memories now" she asks almost apologetically.

I smile at her, "No baby I'll sell it we will find a new house and chose it together ok"

She smiles at me and nods. I didn't say anything but I had actually put the wheels in motion to sell this house, twice Eva has been here and twice the circumstances weren't good. I didn't want to come back here either. Once again I marvel at how we think alike.

As we are heading to the airport, we see a house up for sale, I see Eva look at it as we pass. I lean forward.

"Angus stop a moment will you" I ask, Angus nods and pulls over.

We get out the car and head towards the house; it is set back and although quite small, is really beautiful. I quickly call the realtor on my phone, and he soon arrives falling over himself to help us. He starts with his sales talk I put my hand up to stop him.

"Shut up, we will look we don't need sales talk" I say firmly.

We head through the gate and up the driveway, as we reach the house Eva gasps, it really is quite beautiful, you don't notice from the road, but it has a quaint old world charm about it, as we walk around the back we see a beautiful garden and terrace. We head inside and Eva gasps again, she walks around the house getting more and more excited, we go upstairs and the master bedroom has magnificent views over the gardens and the ocean, its not as close to the sea as the other house but it looks about a 5 minute walk away. Eva turns to me her eyes shining.

"I love this place" she says, "Do you like it?" she adds

"Yes I do" I admit, it has a lovely atmosphere.

"It feels right, it feels like home" she says.

We head downstairs and I shock the realtor by announcing we will take it. When he drags his jaw up off the ground we head to his office to finalise the deal. I call Angus to arrange decorators and renovators to start work and then I call Max and Sally and tell them about their new home. The realtor gives us the keys still a little dumbfounded at the speed he has just completed a deal. We meet Sally and Max at the house and hand the keys over, Angus gives Max a list of the contractors he has engaged to clean, renovate and decorate the place. Max and Sally assure us they will handle everything and with that we head off to the airport.

_**TWO DAYS LATER**_

"Gideon for gods sake take it easy, you have had major surgery" Eva is standing with her hands on her hips glaring at me angrily.

"Stop coddling me" I snap, I am going crazy taking it easy, I move suddenly and wince in pain.

"See" she screeches, "you are in pain, will you stop being so damn stubborn" Eva is beside herself.

"I won't told what to do, I'm going to work" I spit and stalk out of the apartment I am half way down to the garage when I regain my sense, she is scared, she doesn't want anything to happen to me, and I am behaving like sulky child. I walk out into the garage and see Angus waiting, he has a disapproving look on his face. So I am guessing Eva has spoken to him.

"Don't start" I snap irritably, "Take me to the Crossfire" I add, I know I am behaving badly, but I just can't seem to stop.

I see Angus send a text and then he silently climbs into the driving seat and we head out to the Crossfire.

I throw myself into work and I feel agitated, what the fuck is wrong with me? I realise this is the first argument Eva and I have had in a long while, and this time I was the one to run, a sudden thought hits me what if _she _runs, I think for a moment, she has Vicky to take care of she won't go far. Moments later I get a call.

"Mr Cross, Raul here, Mrs Cross is on the move she has Vicky in her car seat in the rear of the DB9 and she is heading to her mothers".

"Ok" I say, "Let her go, but follow her, make sure she is ok" I add.

I have brought this on myself and I don't blame her for it. I throw myself into work and am surprised by the amount I accomplish, by about 11:30 I am feeling really tired though, and I just want to see my wife.

I send Eva a text.

_I'm so sorry Angel, I love you, please forgive me _

I look at it and send it a reply comes almost immediately;

_I love you too baby, I'm sorry too, I just worry about you_

I smile and call her.

"Hello Ace" comes the greeting as she picks up and I grin like an idiot

"Come and have lunch with me and then we will go home" I say

"Ok, I'm at my mom's I'll leave Vicky with her and come to the Crossfire and then we can pick her up later ok? She says

"See you soon Angel" I say

I kill the call and finish up the last pressing pieces of work I need to finish before my wife arrives. By 12:45 I am started to get agitated, where is she? It doesn't take this long to get from her mothers house to here, I go to call Monica to see if she has left already. But before I place the call my phone rings, I look and see its Raul.

"Cross" I snap

"Mr Cross, there has been an accident, it's Eva"

I feel the bottom drop out of my world at these words, "Eva, is she ok? What happened? Where is she?" I fire questions at Raul and stand up I realise I am leaving my office before I know what I am doing.

"Scott I'm out for the rest of the day, cancel my appointments for the rest of the week" I snap

"Yes sir" he says

I see Angus running towards me looking grim.

"Come on" he says gently,

I can hear Raul speaking to me in my ear, I vaguely hear the words seriously hurt, and taken to hospital. I hear him tell me the car is a write off, I don't give a fucking shit about the damn car as long as Eva is ok.

I immediately regret my behaviour this morning, if I had listened to her and not run off in a sulk we would be together now she wouldn't have gone to her mothers and this would never have happened. I sigh and call Monica.

"Hello Gideon" she says

"Monica, do you have Vicky with you?" I ask

"Yes I do, is there something wrong Gideon?" she asks

"Yes" I sob, "There has been a car accident, I don't know the details yet I'm on my way to the hospital now"

"Oh my god! Ok, keep me informed I will keep Vicky as long as you need me to" she says calmly, it always surprises me for a woman who is so emotionally fragile she always manages to pull it together in a real crisis.

"Thank you Monica" I say and hang up.

I think for a moment and I am shocked when I realise I want to speak to Cary, he is Eva's friend, hell he is more like a brother to her but at this moment I need his support. I place the call.

"Hello" come's the familiar voice.

"Cary, it's Gideon, if I send a plane now how quickly can you get to New York?" I say

"I'm free today and can head to the airport now, why what's wrong?" he asks

"Eva" I gasp, "She has been in a car accident I'm going there now, I don't know how bad..." I stop unable to say any more

"I'm on my way, I'm leaving now, I'll be at the airport in about an hour ok"

"Thank you Cary" I say I hang up and organise a plane for him.

Angus drives me to the hospital in silence, when I get there I am quickly let to a side room, I am told the doctor will be with me shortly. I nod and sit down and wait. A few minutes later the door opens and Raul comes in, looking worried.

"How is she?" he asks

I shake my head, "I don't know, they said a doctor will be with me shortly" I say.

Raul sits down beside me, "I checked the camera's in the area and it seems she lost control of the car, on closer inspection it appears there was oil or something on the road from another car, and she skidded on it, it was a pure accident, a complete fluke. Anyway, she spun and was hit by a car on the opposite carriageway, there was no way he could avoid her, it was pretty bad". He stops and pats my arm.

I put my head in my hands and for the first time in my life I pray, I have never believed in god or any celestial being, but at this moment I pray that my wife will survive, recover and come back to me.

The door opens and I stand immediately. I look at a doctor in scrubs walk in and offer his hand to me.

"Mr Cross, hello I'm Dr Harris, your wife is still in surgery at the moment, she had to be cut from the wreckage, and she has a number of injuries, she has 3 broken ribs and a collapsed lung and a broken arm, she has broken both ankles but what is causing us the most concern at the moment is the contusion to her head, there is evidence of brain swelling and we are monitoring that, she is a very lucky young lady, that it wasn't much worse".

I nod, "She will get better won't she?" I ask desperately

He shrugs, "I'll be honest with you Mr Cross, we have done all we can for her, its up to her now".

I nod, "Can I see her?" I ask

He nods at me, "She is in ICU but you can sit with her, we will ask only family at this point" he says with a pointed look at Raul.

"Her brother Cary is flying in from Rochester" I say immediately Dr Harris nods, he turns and leaves and I immediately call Cary and tell him to tell them that is Eva's brother when he arrives. He asks me how she is and I can't help it I completely break down on him.

"Hey, listen to me Gideon, pull yourself together, you need to be strong for Eva, ok?" Cary's soothing words reach me and I nod even though there is no way he can see me.

"Thank you Cary" I say.

I kill the call and make my way to the ICU to look for my wife.


	19. Chapter 19

CHAPTER 18

I arrive at the ICU and am met by a nurse, she leads me to the bed where Eva is lying, I gasp when I see her, she looks so small she is hooked up to machinery and there are wires and tubes and I just stare at her frozen to the spot.

"It's ok, I know it looks pretty scary but you are ok to touch her if you want to" the nurse says kindly. She leads me over to her and I sit down beside Eva and take her hand in mine, it is warm and soft and as soon as I touch her I feel my emotions getting out of control.

"Can she hear me?" I mutter

"Possibly" the nurse says kindly, "It can't hurt to talk to her, she is in a chemically controlled coma at the moment while her brain heals, to keep her calm and still".

I nod and sit there just staring at her, stroking her hand, the nurse leaves me and I look at Eva through tear filled eyes.

Eventually I pluck up the courage to speak, "Eva I don't know if you can hear me, but I need you to know how much I love you, I am so sorry Angel, you were worried about me and only wanting what was best for me and I threw back your love and concern in your face, right now at this moment I would love nothing more than for you to speak to me, you are my world Eva, there isn't anything I wouldn't do for you, and right now I would give anything and everything to have you awake and well, fight for me Angel, please fight for me, I can't live without you" I stop and tears roll down my cheeks, I kiss her hand and then rest my head on her arm. My mind starts to wander thinking back over our relationship, there isn't anything I wouldn't do for Eva, I would kill for her and I have done, I have killed a man, a man who hurt her and terrified her, who took disgusting photographs and video's of his crimes against her, he deserved to die, my mind unwillingly goes back to my first meeting with Nathan Barker...

"Excuse me Mr Cross I have a gentleman here asking for you, he says he is a friend of Eva's and would like to speak with you he says its rather urgent" Scott sounds concerned as though he knows this person is lying.

"Did this man give a name?" I snap, I am about to leave for lunch

"Yes sir he said his name is Nathan Barker"

I feel my legs give way and I sit unceremoniously down into my seat, I feel cold fury shoot through me, this is the man who raped Eva, repeatedly raped her when she was a child, what the hell does he want with me?

"Erm, show him in Scott" I say, I quickly pull myself together and take off my jacket and stand looking out of the window. As my door opens I turn and see a smallish man thin with beady dark eyes and slicked back greasy looking mousy brown hair, his eyes dart around my office, I take him in I am 6 foot 2 and he is smaller than me I'm guessing about 5 foot 10ish, I stare at him, he is holding an envelope, and he has a smirk on his face.

"Thank you for seeing me" he says as he walks towards me.

I stare at him and don't say a word, this seems to unnerve him slightly, but he quickly pulls himself together.

He places the envelope on the table in front of me, I stare down at it. I look up raise my eyebrows in question, still not saying a word.

"I thought you might want to see what you are dating, see what that dirty little slut did with me when she was a kid, she loved it, couldn't get enough of me"

Oh my god he took photographs of Eva when he raped her, I feel as though I want to throw up, I stare at the envelope.

"Go on open it, I'm giving you the chance to see it before it goes public, give you chance to finish with her, walk away from her because she will come back to me you know, I will make her come back to me" I stare at him in disbelief. He is insane.

I take the envelope and open it, I see the top picture and I don't want to see any more, my stomach roils and I nearly throw up, Eva is clearly distressed, pinned to the bed and it is obvious what he is doing to her.

"I could be persuaded not to publish these photographs, for a small fee, I..." I leap over my desk and grab him by the throat and, I repeatedly punch him, I break his nose and his blood splatters on my cuff. He is taken by surprise and then he lunges at me and pushes me towards my sofa, which jolts a little sending some cushions flying. I grab him again and deliver some more blows to his stomach, and then drag him up against the wall, I pin him by the throat, I am so close to killing him, he sees this and I see the fear in his eyes".

"Not so tough now are you?" I spit at him.

He swallows deeply, he is trembling, I pull my fist back and then I punch him in the groin, hard, and with each blow I speak.

"You. Will. Stay. Away. From. Eva." He moans in pain.

I let go and he sinks to the floor, I grab him again and lift him up, "Do I make myself clear?" I say coldly.

He nods fervently.

"Go within a mile of her and I will kill you" I snarl, "do you understand?"

He nods again.

"Good, now get he fuck out of my office and my building" I say, as he goes to retrieve the envelope I grab it, "Get out" I say.

I watch him quickly leave, I am breathing heavily, I call Angus who comes up and I hand him the envelope with the instruction to destroy it. Then I go into my bathroom for a shower I need it after dealing with that scum, also I need a fresh shirt after he bled on me.

My mind then wanders forward in time to when I found out about Cary's attack and my plan to kill Nathan Barker started to take shape...

We are arriving at the hospital, we have just spent the most wonderful weekend away, and we have been closer than ever, I opened up to her and told her things I have never told anyone before, and then back to this. I had to call in a few favours to get Eva into the hospital, and remind a few people how generous I have been, its the least I can do, I know she feels bad because she was out of contact and didn't know about the attack, which is my fault, I wanted no interruptions or anything to disturb us, I had no idea something like this would happen and I feel really selfish now.

I am holding Eva up as we walk into Cary's room, shit he looks terrible, as soon as she sees him she starts sobbing, she rushes to him and grabs his hand holding it as he opens his eyes.

"Cary, I'm here" she whispers she apologises and tells him she didn't have her phone and had no idea what happened.

This makes me feel even more guilty, I decide I will find out what happened to Cary if its the last thing I do.

"I'll get a nurse" I say, I need to do something. I slip quietly from the room and head to the nurses desk.

"Cary Taylor is awake" I say and a nurse immediately gets up and heads towards his room. I organise a cot for Eva as I'm sure she will want to stay with him. and then head back to the room and watch from a distance and listen to what Cary is saying.

I hear the nurse trying to get rid of Eva, and Cary desperately asking for her to stay.

"She's not going anywhere" I state firmly stepping forward, "I've arranged to have a cot brought in tonight". I ignore the nurse who is drooling over me and turn my attention to Cary.

"Tell me what happened" I say to him

"Trey and I went out Friday, but he had to bail early. I walked him out to grab a cab, but it was nuts right in front of the club, so we went around the corner. He'd just taken off when I got nailed in the back of the head. Took me straight down and whaled on me a few times. Never got a chance to defend myself"

Eva looks distraught Cary senses this and turns to her, "hey, teaches me. Don't stick my dick in the wrong chick"

"What?" Eva says

But Cary has gone back to sleep.

"I'll look into it" I say, I ask Eva to step out with me and I tell her the extent of Cary's injuries, she gets more upset and I tell her I will take care of everything.

She hugs me tightly, "Thank you, what would I do without you" she says

"You're never going to find out" i say to her.

I immediately send out a message to all my club managers asking if there were any incidents of beating in the vicinity of my clubs on Friday evening. I get one back from one manager - Joel Gardner and also the manager of the only gay club I own telling what I want to know. I ask him if any footage was caught on CCTV but he says the attack happened round the corner away from the front of the club. I ask for the footage from outside the club to see if I can see who was targeting Cary. Within the hour the footage has been streamed to me, for the time frame we need, I see Cary and Trey leave the club, and he was right it was very busy, then I see him, watching Cary, he has a baseball bat in his hand and follows them ...Nathan fucking Barker. I gasp when I see it, and Cary's words come back to me.

"Teaches me. Don't stick my dick in the wrong chick" he was warning him off Eva.

I call Raul and ask for information on Nathan Barker I want to know where he lives and everything down to his god damn shoe size. Raul assures me he will get on to it. I head back to Cary's room and Eva is fast asleep on the cot, i cover her up with the blanket and she doesn't even stir, I stare at Cary. As I stare at them I swear I will get that piece of scum who did this if it's the last thing I do.

The next morning I go to take Eva some coffee and bag of things she will need, I am shocked when I see her she looks worried sick, I am so angry that Nathan Barker has caused her pain again, this time indirectly. I am quite amused by her mother's reaction when Eva tells me she loves me, but I don't get to say or do anything as Monica lays into me, Eva gives me a sympathetic look and wanders away, clearly unwilling and unable to handle it this early. I listen to Monica and I nod in all the right places, she cares and worries about Eva which is understandable and considering what happened I do feel guilty for taking Eva away with no form of communication, I promise her mother I won't do it again and that I understand her concerns that seems to pacify her.

I go into Cary's room and Eva looks straight at me, she is speaking obviously answering a question Cary has asked when she says, "If Gideon's dick touched anything other than his hand or me we'd be over"

"Well then" I say my eyebrows raised at her.

She winks at me and smiles widely, "Hi Ace" my heart melts.

"Angel" I say, and then turn to Cary, "How are you feeling this morning?" I ask him.

He tells me he feels like he has been hit by a bus or a bat. I tell him we are working on getting him home and his eyes light up.

"Big tits please or bulging muscles either will do" he says

What the fuck is he talking about? I stare at Eva totally confused.

She is grinning, "the private nurse" she explains

"Ah" I say immediately understanding...

"Gideon how is she?" I lift my head up and Cary is there at the door and I am back in the here and now, he looks worried as he strides forward, I stand and offer my hand to shake his but he grabs me and pulls me into a hug, this small gesture shreds me and I grip him tightly and sob on his shoulder.

"Hey come on stop that you have to be strong for her" he says softly to me.

I nod and sniff.

"How is she?" he asks again staring down at her, she is lying so still.

"Erm.." I try to recall what was said to me, "they said she had to be cut from the wreckage, and she has a number of injuries, she has broken ribs and a collapsed lung and a broken arm" I point to her arm which is in a cast, "she has also broken both ankles" i point to her feet "but they are more concerned at the moment with the contusion to her head, there is evidence of brain swelling so they have put her into a coma till it goes down" I realise I am shaking and Cary pulls a chair for me to sit down.

"Here" he says as he guides me to it, "you are in no fit state to be here you are not long out of surgery yourself".

My eyebrows raise, "that is how we got here, she was angry with me because I wanted to go to work, she tried to stop me and we argued, I went anyway, so she took the DB9 and went to her mothers, if only.." I say but Cary interrupts me.

"Stop it, no if only's you will drive yourself insane if you do that" Cary says firmly, "Where's Vicky, is she ok?" he asks

I nod, "Yes, I sent Eva a text telling her I was sorry than we arranged to meet for lunch, she said she would leave Vicky with her mother..so we could talk I suppose"

Cary snorts, "More like so she could jump your bones" he says crudely.

I can't help but smile, Cary's mind is always not too far from the gutter and at the moment his inappropriate comments are helping in a strange way.

Cary sighs and grips my arm, "Listen, I'm here for as long as you need me, Trey sends his love, but I will tell you the same as I told Eva when she was sitting waiting for you, you won't do her any good neglecting yourself, you need to eat, sleep and take care of yourself because when she comes around she will need you, and that is more important for you because you are healing too, so having said that, when was the last time you ate? You look tired so you need to rest and don't worry about anything I will call you as soon as anything happens or if a nurse or doctor come".

I stare at Cary, I am not used to being spoken to like this, and part of me wants to punch his lights out, but I realise he is talking sense. So I nod meekly and go to find something to eat.


	20. Chapter 20

CHAPTER 19

I must admit I feel better after something to eat, I don't sleep though, I daren't not here in the hospital. Cary realises my dilemma, he knows what I am like when I have my nightmares.

"You have to sleep Gideon" he tries to reason. I stare at him I know he is right but I can't bring myself to leave her. I sit stubbornly beside her bedside.

"What good are you going to be to her if you are dead on your feet with exhaustion?" he stares at me pleading with me to go.

"I need to be with her" I say adamantly

He smiles at me, "I know you do, you love her, listen, she is in a chemically induced coma, right?" I nod at him, "Ok so there is no chance she is going to wake up when you are not here is there?" I nod again, "Right so you go home, you rest, you sleep and you come back in the morning refreshed so you can sit with her all day while I get some sleep, so I can come and take over again tomorrow night and for as long as I am needed, the nurses will be in from time to time doing checks and observations, if anything else happens I will call you straight away ok?"

"Ok" I nod, he makes a good and reasonable case for going home. "You will call me if anything happens?" I insist.

"Of course I will" he promises.

I stare at him and I know I can trust him with Eva, stand to go, "thank you" I whisper.

"No problem" he says kindly and he pats my arm

I call Angus and he comes for me, on the journey home I call Monica and discover Angus has moved her to our place so I can see my daughter when I get back.

As I walk into the Penthouse I hear Monica talking to Vicky who is sobbing.

"It's alright darling, daddy will be home soon" I hear her say.

I walk towards the voices, "Monica" I say, I see her head whip around to face me and my daughter reacts to my voice.

"DADA!" she squeals tears pouring down her cheeks, as tired as I am I go to her, Monica lifts her into my arms and I hold her tightly whispering comfort to her as she gives me as much in return just by being in my arms.

"Come on sweet pea time to settle down to sleep" I say, I lower her into her crib and sit down beside her Monica informs me she has bathed and fed her but she wouldn't settle until I came to see her, its hardly surprising its always either me or Eva who put her to bed. I take up her story book and begin to read, I have got to the third page when I glance down and she is fast asleep, her even breathing coming out in little murmurs.

I quietly leave the room and Monica is waiting looking worried, "How is she?" she asks.

I sigh, and lead her to the sofa, "Not good, Cary is with her he promised me he would call if anything happened, but as he pointed out to me I am also recovering and need my sleep". I proceed to tell her the list of injuries and her hand flies to her mouth as she gasps in shock. I feel empty inside, and I thinks realises how lost I am feeling because without any warning she reaches for me and folds me into her arms, comforting me. Slowly my arms go around her, and I bury my head into her shoulder I feel so vulnerable I don't want her to see me like this, then I think why not, she is the mother of my wife for gods sake, she loves her as much as I do, she is feeling exactly the same, she above anyone will understand how I am feeling.

I start to cry, and as I do so she starts to talk to me gently, "its alright let it all out Gideon, don't keep it bottled up, it will make you feel better if you let it all out" she is saying.

So I do, I let go "She can't die, I won't survive without her" I sob. I find myself standing and being led into my bedroom, slowly Monica tells me to undress and get into bed, I obey her and undress down to my boxers and climb into bed. Monica returns and she covers me up and sits beside me stroking my hair telling me to go to sleep and get some rest. As she stands to leave I look up at her kind face, she is so worried about Eva but she has put that aside to make me feel better, I have never known anything like it in my life, now I know where Eva gets her sweet caring nature from.

"Thank you" I whisper.

That is the last thing I remember until I am awake covered in sweat and trembling, shit I have had a nightmare, I look around and see Angus and Monica staring at me, I am panting curled up in a ball like an injured frightened animal. I feel the shame course through me and I put my head down. Only Eva has seen me like this I don't want this they don't need to know what a fucking mess I am.

I am shocked when Angus approaches me and wraps an arm around me and in the same thick Scottish accent he used to use when he comforted me as a child suggests I take a shower, I nod and head off to the bathroom. When I come back into the bed room I see a pair of pyjama bottoms on the bed I crawl into them and climb back into bed. My attention is drawn to a knock at the door,

"Are you decent?" Monica calls through the closed door.

"Yes" I reply and she immediately enters with a mug of something.

"Here" she says kindly offering me the mug; she sits down beside me and wraps a blanket around my shoulders.

I take a sip of the hot drink , it's hot chocolate, "That's good, thank you" I whisper. Monica sits down beside me and wraps her arm around me, I am trembling and I think that she believes I am cold.

"I'm sorry, you didn't need to witness that" I say

"Don't apologise Gideon, after what you have been through recently its no wonder you are having nightmares" I freeze, then I realise she is talking about the shooting; she thinks my nightmare is about that.

I shake my head, "I don't have nightmares about the shooting" I say, I turn and look at her, "I have nightmares about when I was molested and raped as a child" I see the shock on her face quickly turning to compassion. I put my head down, the shame overwhelming me.

"Oh Gideon" she says and holds me closer, I realise this is what my mother should have done, this is how she should have reacted when I told her, but she didn't believe me. I feel myself responding to the kindness and I start to talk.

I tell Monica everything, just like I did the night I opened up to Dr Travis. She doesn't say a word she just holds me and comforts me.

"Does Eva know everything?" she asks

I nod, "yes, she has witnessed my nightmares, we are in therapy together and separately and things are much better than they were, I manage to wake up now when I have a nightmare I never used to until ...it was over" she gets what I am saying and holds me tighter.

"I won't lie, you scared me when you started shouting, I called Angus and he came straight away, I'm sorry I didn't know what else to do" she sounds worried.

I shake my head, "No don't apologise, you did the right thing" I say.

I am calm now and settle down, and she tucks me in like a child and strokes my hair from my face and tells me to get some sleep, I watch her go, and as I settle down I slowly drift off to sleep.

When I wake up the sun is streaming through the window, I sit up and glance at the time, 9:30, shit I wanted to be at the hospital by now, I quickly shower and dress and head out, I smell a delicious smell coming from the kitchen, and see Monica cooking, Vicky is in her high chair munching on pancakes and looks happy.

"Good morning Gideon" she says and places a mug of coffee in front of me.

"Thank you, good morning, something smells good" I say.

Monica places a plate in front of me, pancakes, scrambled eggs and crispy bacon, I stare at it, I don't normally eat breakfast, but I make the effort and am surprised when I find I enjoy it.

Monica places a glass of fresh orange juice in front of me and I drink it.

"Ok don't worry about Vicky I will take care of her, you get yourself off to the hospital and make sure Cary comes back so he can get something to eat and get some sleep.

I nod a ridiculous grin on my face, this is what it must feel like to receive motherly love, I have never really had this and it feels ...nice.

I arrive at the hospital feeling rested and refreshed, I am quite surprised how good I feel after having some breakfast, something I really don't normally do, unless I am having a breakfast meeting I may have to start having breakfast. I walk in and Cary is dozing off in the chair, I put my hand on his shoulder and he jumps.

"It's ok its only me" I say

"Oh hi what time is it" he asks rubbing his face, I tell him and he stands and stretches.

"Listen Cary, Angus is waiting to take you back to the penthouse, Monica is there caring for Vicky, and she said to send you back so you can rest and she can feed you, I realise I have that grin on my face again, Cary sees it and smiles back at me"

"She's a lovely woman, she is the only mother I have ever known, well only mother who acts like one anyway, she has always treated me like a son, and I owe her so much".

I nod, "She found me having a nightmare last night and she took care of me, and before I knew where I was I had opened up and told her everything, that happened to me when I was a kid, and she believed me, and took care of me" I say this with wonder in my voice.

"Yeah, she was horrified when I told her what had happened to me, it was the same for me, I just felt like I could talk to her, Eva doesn't know how lucky she is having a mom like her, I know she was destroyed when she found out about Barker and what he did, and she felt she had failed as a mom, and because of that she got a bit obsessive and sometimes a little bit creepy especially when she put tracking devices on Eva, but her heart is in the right place and sometimes I think when Eva gets pissed and shuts her out she can't stand it, she won't say how she feels about being pushed out, so she goes all hysterical and people think she is emotionally fragile but I have thought for a long time she is stronger than she lets on"

I nod in agreement, "I totally agree with you, but for now, you need to go and get some sleep" I say, Cary nods and yawns widely.

"If anything happens you'll call me?" he asks

I nod, "Of course I will, now go, Angus is waiting for you" I say and with that I watch him leave. I take the seat he has vacated and I settle down, I hold Eva's hand and stroke her cheek with my fingers.

"Don't leave me Angel" I whisper. As I do this I think back to our enforced separation, which was necessary when I killed Nathan...


	21. Chapter 21

CHAPTER 20

So I know where Barker is I know what he is doing and his comings and goings, and as much as I want to find another way, I really can't see one, he needs to die, its as simple as that, for Eva to be safe and not looking over her shoulder for the rest of her life he needs to die. I can't believe that I am actually contemplating this, I know I have a dark side, but this is beyond anything I could ever have imagined, but its quite simple for that woman I would do anything.

The plan slowly starts forming in my mind. This fucker is playing with us, he turns up here and I kicked his ass, but then he comes back. When Eva asked me to look into what freaked out her mom, and I saw him on the security camera's hovering around outside the Crossfire I knew what it was, I called Benjamin Clancy to make sure and he told me that Monica had confided in him that she had seen Nathan. Then the attack on Cary, which took us all by surprise, we never expected him to be targeted. He has to go.

I look at the hotel he is staying at which conveniently is one of mine and I wonder how I can do this without being seen and having an airtight alibi but most importantly how I can do with without suspicion falling on Eva. That is when it hits me, I have to make it look like I have broken up with her, I have to take her love and use it against her, feeding all her insecurities, can I do this to her, I agonise over it but come to the conclusion it is the only way. I will do this for Eva. Even if she doesn't forgive me and take me back afterwards she will be safe and never have to face him again.

I look into how I can lose security in the hotel so I won't be seen killing him. I realise I need to be quick and with the element of surprise, he opens the door, and bam I decide on stabbing him, in the heart, quick and effective. I look at the possibilities and then I see something, an upgrade to the security system, the cameras will be down all evening, now that is the evening I have my therapy session with Eva, and slowly I pull a plan together in my head. I can do this and Eva will have an airtight alibi. I walk from the hotel where I had my fuck pad and walk to the hotel where Barker is staying, I time it and I walk up to his floor, and then the time back again, I go under the guise of a spot inspection for the security upgrade, I need to go in a back entry so I'm not seen by staff.

I am shocked how quickly I manage to come up with a workable plan, I organise a publicity mixer for the Kingsman Vodka company and invite Corrine as my date, I go down to the kitchens to look around on my inspection and realise if I could get a fire started here it would be the perfect alibi with the confusion I would be around talking to people and doing things which need to be done, but I could also slip out and back again in that time, its risky but for Eva I am prepared to do it.

Corrine is delighted to hear from me and agrees immediately to go. I don't promise her anything as I don't want to be with her.

The day itself is going to plan I am ready I have it all planned out and I know I can do this, I have to for Eva's sake. First of all I need to get through a meeting with Eva and Garrity, It couldn't be worse timing or best timing depending on how I look at it. I decide to ignore Eva, this will give the impression I have tired of her and dumped her but it nearly kills me, I just want to hold her in my arms, I see her confused and hurt expression, she doesn't understand what is happening, I have been so awful to her this past week she doesn't know which way is up, then she sends me a heart wrenching email and I had to go to her, I know I shouldn't have but I couldn't not, she bared her soul and it destroyed me. If only she knew how much this was killing me, I can't live without her I have come to that conclusion, so this has to be done that is all that is keeping me focussed getting this done.

I am out of the meeting as quickly as possible I can't be near her when she is obviously so upset about what has happened to us and after I went to her lat night, I just feel so bad. I can see by her face she believes last night was goodbye. When I get out of the room I breathe deeply and head to my office and slam the door, I have been on edge and snapping at people which is not in my nature I don't raise my voice, I don't need to. I need to calm down. Thankfully the people around me are unaware of my tumultuous emotions; I am the master of hiding them behind a stony mask. Another reason I didn't want to be in Eva's presence any longer than I had to she has this uncanny knack of seeing past the mask and seeing right through me.

Mid afternoon Scott calls me telling me Eva is on the phone for me, I debate making an excuse but I really want to hear her voice so I take the call.

"Yes Eva" I say

"I'm sorry to bother you. This is probably a stupid question considering but...are you coming to dinner tomorrow to meet my father?"

She sounds so hurt, she believes I have dumped her, I close my eyes, Oh angel it has to be this way, "I'll be there" I say

"Are you bringing Ireland?" she asks

"Yes" I reply

"Okay" she says.

"I have a late meeting tonight so I'll have to meet you at Dr Petersen's, Angus will drive you over, I'll grab a cab"

"All right" she says. I hear the relief in her voice. I am relieved too for a different reason this will be her alibi.

I finish off and put my plan into action, I go to the hotel and down to the kitchen where the food is being prepared for the Kingsman event I know what I am going to do but I will need to be quick, I don't want anyone to get hurt so I plan this carefully and then head up to the room, people are starting to arrive I meet and greet make sure I am seen. Corrine arrives and makes a beeline for me, I make a point of us being photographed together and I look at my watch ok show time, I head down to the kitchen and quickly walk through I glance around and place my fire starter. I quickly go back upstairs and hope it works. The Kingsman event is in full swing when the fire alarms start to ring out, I quickly help people evacuate and then head back inside, I make sure I am seen talking to key members of staff the fire department and the police, nobody is hurt and the fire has created the diversion I need, I quickly step away and rush to the other hotel. I glance at my watch, the security system is down now, I quickly check this and find I am right, I head in and up to Barkers room and knock, as he opens the door, I lunge at him and stab a carving knife into his chest.

"You will never hurt her again" I growl, I watch him fall to the floor he is dead, its over. I grab the knife and wipe it clean on his shirt, as I pull my hand away and catch a bracelet on his arm it scratches me but I can't worry about that now, I quickly get the hell out of there and back to the other hotel and head in to the kitchen. I quickly place the knife into the dish washer along with all the other dirty cutlery and walk calmly towards the fire fighters staring at the cooker.

"Is everything under control gentlemen?" I ask

They turn and look at me, "yes sir, the fire seems to have started here, something must have dropped down and caught light, pure accident". I nod.

The chef looks uncomfortable and scared, I turn to him, "Did everyone get out safely?" I ask

He nods, "I am so sorry sir, I have no idea what happened" I feel guilty for making this man question himself.

I shake my head, "Forget it, accidents happen, the insurance will cover the damage" I say

He immediately looks happier and I head back out. Corrine has long gone and I head home to the penthouse, I hope this will be all worth it...

"Mr Cross, we have the results of the latest tests we have done" I see the doctor standing in front of me and I quickly pay attention.

"I'm sorry I was miles away" I say

"That's ok" he says kindly, he is smiling, "Well we have excellent news the swelling has completely gone there is no concerns there and we are about to reverse the coma it will take a little time for Eva to come around but we are confident that she will make a full recovery".

"Thank you" I say immediately uplifted by this news I call Cary and Monica to let them know, and within an hour Cary has arrived.

"Do they know when she will wake up?" he asks

I shake my head, "No but they have reversed the chemically induced coma so we just have to wait now" I sound excited.

I lean towards Eva, "come on Angel come back to me, Cary and I are waiting to see you please wake up".

I kiss her cheek and Cary sits down beside me.

I don't know how long we sit there just staring and talking to her. Hours pass then suddenly I feel something. I feel her hand twitch.

"Eva, Angel, I'm here can you hear me?" I lean forward and kiss her hand, it grips mine, "Cary look" I gasp, "She is squeezing my hand" I keep talking and encouraging her to wake up.

Then slowly her eyes open, I immediately wrap my arms around her and smother her face with kisses.

"Angel" I breathe and she brings her hand up to touch my face.

Cary quickly plants a kiss on her cheek, "that was some sleep baby girl" he says and then goes to find a nurse.

Within moments she is surrounded and numerous tests are done, Cary and I stand back and let them do what they need to do, but my eyes don't leave her, she watches me and Cary, he has his arm around my shoulder and I just stare at my wife.

They are talking to her and checking her over, and she patiently answers their questions when they are done she reaches for me and I go to her.

"Angel" I breathe as I grip her hand

"I'm so sorry, I crashed your car" she says

I shake my head, "Fuck the car, that can be replaced you can't, you scared me so badly" I say.

"I'm sorry" she says again, she looks up at Cary, "What are you doing here?" she asks.

"Well that's nice, I fly out and that's the welcome I get" Cary snorts.

"I asked him to come" I say, "I knew you would kick my ass if you woke up and found me here in a mess with no sleep so I flew him out here to sit with you when I went home to rest, your mom is at our place she has been taking care of Vicky everything is in hand we are all fine and all we want now is for you to get yourself well and stop apologising for everything" I glare at her and she grins at me.

"Yes sir" she says.

She looks up at me, "When are we going to get a break?" she asks

"Well you have several Angel, but I didn't want to mention it" I say trying to lighten the atmosphere,

She slaps my arm as Cary snorts with laughter, "You know what I mean" she says

"I know, I'm pretty sure we are entitled to a break pretty soon, so get yourself well so we can enjoy it" I say.

Cary looks at us, "Ok guys I am going to go back to your place and crash".

I stand and hug Cary warmly, slapping his back. "Thank you for everything" I whisper to him. He smiles and nods at me and then he is gone, I turn and sit with Eva I tell her about how her mom found me having a nightmare and how I opened up to her, I tell her about everything that has been going on at work and finally I look at her, "I missed you, please don't ever put me though something like that again".

She nods, "Now you know how I felt when you were in hospital" she says.

"I know, we are a fine pair anyway I promise if you promise" I say with a grin.

"We are going to be ok aren't we?" she asks

"We are, we have each other and our daughter, good friends and extended family we are going to be just fine, more than fine, we are going to amazing, we have the rest of our lives to make up for these last few months" I kiss her gently on the lips and she smiles and kisses me back.


End file.
